A Numbers Game

Mini-Stock Market Crash

Yesterday Rene was informed that her platelets bottomed out to levels that meant she could not fight off any infections. The positive side of this news delivered by her infectious diseases doctor was that she wasn't suffering from any high fevers! Either way she wants her blood to quit being lazy and produce more white blood cells. Her reds are fine and she does require any transfusions at the moment.

Process Improvements Needed

Since Rene has all this time on her hands, she is coming up with ideas for the hospital for long term patient care! This includes stackable washers and dryers so she can do laundry; this is a hospital, not an extended stay hotel! She wanted microwave popcorn and guess what? Hospitals don't stock this so I guess I will have provide her with a special stash to nibble on when reading.

What Is Ze Problem?

Cranky!

Boredom has truly set in with her now and she beginning to "spit nails" about having nothing to do. Seems that she has read all her books and she trying to will her body to get her white blood counts up so she can get out. This sounds like a person is getting better and is "over" the chemo thing at the same time.

It could have been far worst and humanity (namely me) was saved by a game she discovered on cell phone! This captured her attention and calmed her down so I didn't get the, "what took you so long to get here?" type statements. Additionally a girlfriend stopped by and that seem to help her boredom also.

Cravings

Since her immune system is in the toilet, she must avoid people with any type of colds, flowers (bacteria carriers), and raw fruits and veggies. So what does our little girl request that I bring her? Fresh seedless green grapes and I was the "bad guy" for saying no!

Since I was already in the "doghouse", I didn't remind her that this weekend officially kicks of the college football season. As the wife of Southern male, this means she will become a "widow" until the end of January; crazy I am, stupid I am not!

I did get brownie points for bringing her a steak dinner from Outback so that soothed her rage; red meat works every time. Additionally getting her chocolate Whoppers aided in keeping her calm!

One Ringy Dingy, Two Ringy Dingies....

Whatcha Doing?

Yesterday I realized just how much better Rene has become! Since daytime television is worthless, she has read several books and wanted stimulation. This lead to her calling twice during to day for small talk and this occurred when I was trying to catch up on issues that occurred when I was out of town last week!

She may not have an immune system at the moment but she does have complete control of her wits and she wants out! Her oncologist stated that once she is done with her final treatment, she will a couple more outpatient treatments and another scan for tumors which should be only one and it will be either smaller or gone!

Penguin Exercising

Rene is completely free of all tubes and wires hooked to her body and she can now walk around freely. She is taking walks around the floor at least three times a day. Since she has regain much of her strength back, her walking is similar to a penguin or a two year old at the moment.

Where Is Your MASK?!

Immune System Is Shot

Yesterday Rene began her official foray into her nadir because she was diagnosed as being neutropenic. There was a slight problem, no one told her and she took a walk around the floor without a mask covering her face. After returning to her room, she was met by the "Floor Nazi" from the nursing staff and was chastised.

Rene quickly pointed out that there was no sign on her door stating this condition therefore she was innocent! This rebuttal caused the "Floor Nazi" to chastise her nurse about the lack of a sign; as you see, it went downhill quickly. Both Rene and her nurse had a great laugh about it and even the "Floor Nazi" is still loved by them!

Food, Food, Food

Pei Wei was her requested establishment for Chinese food last night and she was pleased with my promptness to the order. Since I was back and not distracted from the events of last week, I suddenly found myself on a chocolate and Dr. Pepper's run. Yes, she is making up for her suffering of last week of not being able to "boss" me around.

Being There

Rene has new friend on the floor that is being treated for a blood cancer also. Unfortunately, when she left the hospital after her fifth treatment, they were still there. When she returned after three weeks, they were still in the hospital!

Being the type of person that she is, they spend time supporting each other by having lunch, playing cards, or just plain talking. Since Rene is past the worst of her treatment and her friend is at the beginning, she has taken the role of spiritual support with them.

Taz Bored...

Entertain Me Or Else!

Yesterday was mind numbingly boring for our little "princess" on all levels. Bad food, bad television, and no "Caveman" (that's me) to talk to or threaten (my goatee)! The worst insult for her was that fact that the Braves lost to the Reds; she is very cranky anytime this happens.

This week I must be well versed as "Cabana Boy" for her when it comes to food and anything else! She has a taste for all things not related to dinners at the hospital. As for anything else, one can only wonder what my wife has in store for me!

It's Nadir Time

Usual Stuff

Yesterday Rene finished receiving her medicines for this round of chemo. Now she is ready for the nadir to kick in. She had a small bout of nausea after breakfast and didn't have a recurrence after receiving medicines for this.

I knew she would be ok after she requested lunch to picked up by yours truly! Off to Pepin's I went has she ate something from Spain. I have been given the weekend off from having to do this or come visit her. She knows I need some time to myself at the moment.

She is being "patience" with her pending nadir, it must come and be over with by the beginning of the Labor Day weekend. She wants to come home and then turn around to get her final treatment over with. I am sure the chemo gods have different plans for her. Both her oncologist and I will be feel the wrath if she doesn't get her way!

Rest In Peace

Free Of Life's Burdens

Yesterday my family celebrated the life of my father and said farewell to him. It is hard to explain the emotions one goes through when you drape the veils over the body and seal their coffin. I realized at that moment, all visions of my father would become frozen to this moment as I gazed on his face looking so peaceful and free of the pains of cancer finally.

It is hard to comprehend what my mother must overcome now that he is gone. She is a pastor and has usually played the role of comforter, now she must lean on others to comfort her. I suspect that she will not know what to do with herself since she is no longer required to visit him. After 45 years, she now must cope with a void in her life.

Public speaking is not easy for many and I am comfortable with large audiences. Yesterday was the toughest performance I had to give. Being asked to sum up a parent's life in two minutes is challenging enough without allowing yourself to be overcome with emotions at the same time.

I have no idea how I will handle my grieving period; I must warn Rene and her oncologist that I will probably be hard to deal with pertaining to her treatment. I have already lost a parent, I will not lose a spouse.

Scrabble..I'm Ready!

A Good Day

Yesterday was a good day for Rene, she had the company of good friends and games of Scrabble. Right now she is getting her usual chemo medicines and she is not having any issues associated with it. Since she did not get her spinal tap, this round could be similar to her very first one...that was very easy!

Well Informed

She has been receiving daily updates from me in Florida about preparations for my father funeral. She has forbidden me to stop by the hospital when I return late this evening to see her. So I arrive close to midnight, I can still see her. This is the first time I have not been with her during this phase of her treatment. Since I am can drive and I have to past the hospital...I will annoy her and just show up!

Cruising & Ready

Being Vigilant

Right now Rene is going through the routine steps of her chemo treatment. Her white blood counts increased on Wednesday a bit and that is a positive time. She will not receive her usual spinal tap for chemo this time because her counts were too low and her oncologist didn't want to "blow her up".

The patient her oncologist asked her to speak with spinal taps and other chemo from her last stay is still there. He was excited to see her again. She knew he was bored so they talked and played card games together. He is hoping to leave by the end of this week if counts stay steady. Rene realized how lucky she has been, she never had to stay over five weeks with her treatments.

She is getting around and seeing some of the other nurses and trading stories. She is getting caught up on her reading and DVDs. Friends are coming by and visiting with her and having fun with them about the usual hospital routines.

Balancing Her Counts

Great News, Chemo News

Rene's oncologist finally inform her that she is in remission with her lymphoma. She has been waiting for this news since she hear it mentioned during her last stay by a fellow doctor with the office. When she started her treatments back in March, her oncologist stated that getting this lymphoma into remission was a key objective.

Being his usual self with news, he then informed her that her white blood cells were low and that this round will be tough on her. As we all know with Rene, she was not happy and I am sure that he delivered the news at least three arms lengths from her so she couldn't choke him!

It seems that her body getting tired of chemo (big surprised) and he is being very careful with how the medicines will be administered. Her usual spinal tap procedure has not be administered yet due to her counts being low. Nothing like making her wait for this procedure, she just loves getting it every time!

Right now, her oncologist anticipates that she will need the full three weeks with this round of chemo. This means that she could be reunited with her infectious disease doctor again! Let's see how the rest of the week progresses for her.

Lifting The Shadow

Rene is fine; I am dedicating this post to my father who died on August 20, 2007 at 6:30PM in Florida.

Empty

I didn't tell many people but my father had Stage IV larynx cancer. After admitting Rene to the hospital I jumped on a plane to Florida to say good-bye, I didn't get there in time. There are many emotions that I will experience alone and with the company of my mother and brother about his death.

I have been prepared for this news for a long time due to his poor health and no one never is really ready when it finally occurs. He was my father and regardless of our relationship, he had my respect and honor and it was not always communicated between us. I am happy that he is no longer in pain from this cancer as well as the prostrate cancer that came out of remission.

The ironies of life have come full circle with his death. Both he and Rene began their sojourn about the same time and took different paths. Rene is getting stronger and will defeat her rare lymphoma and he instead succumbed to death. I shouldn't be surprised, his age was 76 and his doctor stated that he had the body of a 90 year old person; cancer is brutal.

Later today I will view his body and know that his spirit is no longer shackled by what I will see. I will probably say, "I am sorry I couldn't see you one more time to say I love you". I doesn't matter, he is no longer dealing with pain, he was tired, it was the last words he spoke to my mother. Death is the final stage of life and we will all experience it.

Good-bye Dad!

Time To Check-In...

The New Me!

Well today Rene went back into the hospital her sixth treatment for chemo. For the first time, she is very upbeat, strong, and more her pre-cancer self! If she continues to respond to treatment as she done for the past two treatments, she may only have to stay for two weeks instead of three.

Leading up to today, she is beginning to be a bit more stubborn about doing things on her on. At the moment, she takes her showers standing instead of using her shower chair. I didn't agree but as you can see, she won this debate!

Sending A Message

Today when we arrived to the hospital everyone from the admittance team to her nurses and aides were very happy to see her (she really is their favorite)! They were very impressed that she walked into her room without using either a wheelchair or her walker. They know she is getting better!

Scary Item - Purses!

While we were waiting to be admitted, Rene looked through her purse and made the following discoveries;

• My old New York City business cards from 1998 when I was the Director of IT for Accor Hotels North America
  
• Money
• First Class Stamps when they were only $.32!
• A Platex product; she had her uterus removed in 2001!

It really has been a long time since she used that purse. I am truly afraid to see what she discovers in the other purses she has that are not being used.

The Key Of Life

Avoiding Dissonance

As we move towards the end of this roller coaster called cancer, both Rene and I still must address conflicting interests. Rene is wanting to "live" life, not observe it as she gets stronger; I must juggle multiple issues and keep focus on important items.

Keeping our schedules aligned is becoming a bit more interesting since I am the chauffeur. So far, we have not managed to create an uber scheduling conflict. Yesterday we were busy going to appointments without causing conflict.

Last night Rene went out to hear some smooth jazz by saxophonist Bryne Donaldson at our favorite wine bar. This was the first time many people have seen her before she started her cancer treatments.

True to form, Rene looked great in her make-up and jewelry and didn't wear a hat. She won't wear a wig since her hair will return. For the first time, we actually have a physical similarity! Since I have been "behaving", she allowed me to sneak off to hear some stanky Louisiana/Texas blues by Chuck Hall!

Outnumbered

They Do Talk About Us!!!

Yesterday I chauffeured Rene to the tea shop to meet with her girlfriends and therefore I had to remain instead of escaping! I always knew that certain conversations could lead to discussions about men and our "flaws"; I must report that I was right.

The topic of "men being men" didn't take long to begin amongst these four women and they forget or ignored that I was the lone male in their midst. It seems the the "flaw" of the moment is our inability to place objects in their correct location! It is perfectly logical for we men to put Tupperware items with pots and pan; it does when the pots and pan have space for it.

Knowing that no good would come from any rebuttals, I kept quiet enjoyed my tea. My choice in teas soon became another topic. I like a very brutish form of tea and this place has it. I just tell them to bring me any tea that has a lot of "dirt" and I get a pot that smells like mud after a rain storm (don't ask why, I like it!).

In all of this, Rene had a wonderful time, I "ducked" any questions that would lead to explainations on why I would answer that way. So to all you husbands, boyfriends, and fiancees (you may still have time), we are doomed to being wrong and flawed. Now that you know it, enjoy being yourselves, they still keep us around for some reason!

Are We There Yet?!

I Wanna Go Here...NOW!!!

Since her oncologist's removed any prohibitions on movement, Rene has the "itch" get out and move about! I realize that she wants to re-engage with life and therefore I must NOT hinder this in any fashion.

A friend recommended that she go with her to get her nails done yesterday. The end result was pampering, good conversation, great new colours on her toes, and me making sure she arrived on time for this.

Later, she expressed her interest that we have a glass of wine and not at home! Normally I would have been with my band working on new music for our set list but we had the night off and she took advantage of it. ;-)

It will not be a quiet weekend leading up to her admittance on Monday for her chemo treatment so I have to be prepared for new requests. She already has two excursions lined up and I am sure more will come. She is not going to like being hindered by the hospital now that she has tasted freedom again...this will be my fault!

Look Ma, No Hands!

Gaining A Backbone

Yesterday Rene decided to take a shower without any aid and did not use her shower chair. Instead she stood up in the shower! Needless to say, this is still risky for her and she discovered that she is much stronger and in control of her mobility.

I am happy and paranoid about this new revelation! I would have preferred that I was home just in case there was a problem. She admitted that she was tired from this and got out of the shower immediately. I myself realized how parents feel when their children learn to walk, date, drive a car, or offer to cook a meal!

Beware Of Television Shows

A New Favourite

I must comment about another show that Rene just loves now called "Reba". Other than QVC, she can sit and watch this show forever. Being a "manly" man...I run for the hills when she is engaged only to be "reminded" that I am not with her. She knows how to get to me after 20 years!

There is another show that she seems to have a "love-hate" relationship with called "Still Standing" and it is about a family behaving badly. I love boorish behaviour based on the city of Chicago and men being men, it reminds me of a room full of drunk rugby players with an open bar!!

Getting To The Top

Took Awhile To Achieve

I appreciate how well Rene has recovered from this cancer now that she is able to do more. She will have to ease into this over time and she will be successful. Yesterday she was working on an arts and crafts project she started a week ago. Because she can control her hands better, this is a great exercise of her mental and physical state. I must also point out that her hands are not strong enough for any scissors and therefore my goatee is very safe!

"I'm Ready James..."

Being A Chauffeur

Now that Rene is not limited to being at home, she has communicated and requested that I take her places. Keep in mind that here in the Phoenix Valley, we will average close to 110 degree weather all this week! Yesterday she attended her first service at her church since March and received a warm welcome from her congregation.

Later in the day, she decided that she had see one of her girlfriends at the wine bar. She was able to walk to my Jeep without her walker and got in and out without any issues. She walked into the wine bar without the walker and got in and out of the stool without my aid. We discovered that she didn't need the ramp in the garage either when she returned home.

Her time at the bar resulted in a potential trip with her girlfriend later this week to get her nails done! I don't have a problem with any of this because she enjoys it. I will draw the line on wearing a "monkey suit and hat" to take her anywhere she wants to go!

Want Doesn't Mean Can

Ease Into This!

Yesterday feeling invincible from Friday's outings, Rene was ready to start doing her normal errands; shopping! Maybe I was just be a male again but, she is not over her chemo treatments yet. Either way, I had to be the chauffeur for this excursion!

The first thing she wanted to do was to go clothes shopping for new jeans; since her other ones are too big! Afterwards, she wanted to go to an arts and craft store and then maybe lunch. Halfway into the shopping part, she discovered that she was tired.

There were a lot of clothes she picked out to try on but she didn't have the strength to keep changing.I made sure that I wasn't going to strike fear into the other women and went into the dressing room to help her change. After the jeans and one top, it was "pull up the anchor" and take me home.

The sales women were a bit confused by the entire affair but quickly recovered when they saw my wallet and come out to pay. At this point, it didn't matter that a middle linebacker carrying a blouse and jeans to the counter and was standing in front of them!

First Date

Behaving Like A Couple

Yesterday Rene ventured out of the house for the first time to go somewhere that was not either her oncologist's office or the hospital. Instead she went to her favorite tea and wine shops to enjoy herself.

She has not been able to do this since the end of February. Going the tea shop was her original intent and she had a wonderful time. Hard to believe since I was with her, but she really did have a wonderful time! Since one of her girlfriends was able to come, she really did enjoy herself! :-)

Since this was the first time that staff at the tea shop had seen her, they did not recognize her immediately. Once they heard her voice, they realized who was in their midst. Tasting her favorite teas in this setting was topped off by the classic guitarist who performs on Friday. He didn't recognize her at first and was very happy to see her again.

Fruit Of The Vine

Since she was already out, she decided to be spontaneous and requested that we stop by our favorite wine bar. She she walked in, she received a rousing applause from the regulars when she walked in the door! A single glass of wine with good friends topped off her evening!

Girly Stuff

I noticed that Rene took time to put on make-up before we left. This is a first and she looked great. She is feeling better about her appearance and gaining confidence in her ability to enjoy things she put on hold since her treatments began.

Betting Against The House

I Won, She Lost

It wasn't that long ago that Rene was always kvetching about having to go back to the hospital. Due her current situation, she is now kvetching how long she has to wait for her next visit, and she wonders why men are confused!!

Yesterday she visited her oncologist for her outpatient chemo treatment and was told that she could possibly go into the hospital on Monday. We had a bet and I felt that it would be one more week instead. Her blood work confirmed my expectations and she will be home for one more week!

Her oncologist got a good laugh about her wanting to get back in and that she was bored. He stated that boredom is a good now since she had so much "excitement" that occurred in the beginning of her treatment. This was logical and she still wants to get her treatment over with!!

Behave Or Else!

Your Goatee Is Next...

Rene decided that nature would not remove the remaining long hairs on her head fast enough and took matters into her own hands. Don't worry, she did not cause any harm to herself when she "shaved" her head. It look quite good to her because it is now balanced.

Standing in front of her this morning, I combed my goatee out and received the "look"! Her said to me that, "you are doing that to annoy me!". She was right and therefore I have handed more bullets to use on me in the future. This was worth it!!!

West Nile Virus Anyone?

An Evening Stroll

Last night Rene determined she was ready to try walking in our neighborhood. We took her walker as a precaution and she did quite well overall. She discovered that the mosquitoes were out also they "really" like humans with chemo in their system!

She plans to take more walks in the evenings before she returns to the hospital for round six of chemo. I will just "bathe" her in insect repellent prior to her venturing outside. She didn't wear a hat when she went out; the hair will grow back in time!

Boredom Is Good

Healthy Situation

I call from the office during the day to see how Rene is doing and our conversation normally will go along way;

• Me; "Hello"
• Her; "Hello?"
• Me;"How are things?"
• Her; "I'm bored!"
• Me; "What have you done with yourself today?"
• Her; "The same things I do everyday...I'm bored!"

Recovery is not vacation and I can sense that Rene is getting stronger because she needs more stimulation that daytime television can ever offer! Since we have animals in the house, they can serve as entertainment and companionship for her.

She will probably have some girlfriends over with week during the day and then she won't be bored. Instead, she will be annoyed that I am calling and interrupting her time with her girlfriends. See, we husbands never can get it right!!

Women Vs. Men!

I See A Pattern Here....

So far the feedback about my goatee has been, women-folk hate it and men-folk love it! The only feedback that really matters is Rene (or my mother) and therefore I will continue to duck her arrows and daggers!

Baby Steps

Since oncologist has decided that she can do more and not be limited to staying home, she is a bit cautious about going out. Since she cannot drive, it is important that she thinks about when, where, and which place to go. She will let me know when I am to chauffeur her around other than her doctor's office or the hospital.

Who's At The Door?

A Day With Friends

Sunday is a day of rest and enjoying the company of friends. Today Rene got to do both and it made her day more enjoyable. Rene can't wait to go back to her favorite tea shop and wine bar and today, the wine bar came to her!

She enjoyed seeing people she hasn't seen a "long" time and swapping stories with each other. They all decided that they will just bring the wine bar to the hospital when she goes in for her sixth chemo treatment. For some reason, I think the nurses will chase only the wine bottles away from her!

I discovered today that she is really not happy with my new goatee and plans to shave it once she is fully recovered. Since I had to push her buttons, I informed her that I want to be able to braid my beard also. Once she realized the actual length I plan to grow it in order to braid it, she informed me that she will win this battle of wills! More to come on this one and you may begin placing your bets on this outcome!

Tea Time

I Want A Cup...

Today Rene did something I haven't seen since January; she made a pot of tea! She was afraid to have any tea during her treatment because of the potential "chemo mouth" impact. Her collections of teas that where sent to her during this time and the collection from Souvia were calling out to her. She succumbed to the "songs of the sirens"(I read the Odyssey) and enjoyed a delicious cup of Chrysanthemum Oolong.

"That Was Different?"

Today I attempted to get out in the morning before 8AM to get a long ride on my mountain bike. The "outdoor gods" thought otherwise due to a blown back tire. I decided to go hiking instead and discovered that the trail I selected, lead to rock quarry operation a few miles from our home!

After getting my tire repaired I decided to go out and ride afterall. Rene was resigned to the fact that I was being a man again! It was only 102 degrees and I took my large hydration pack with water. Most of bike trail is under water from the recent monsoon rains. The end result is why I love biking, getting covered with mud while enjoying a great ride!

Rhineland...Yea!!

Nice Surprise

I remembered that Rene has had a yearning for real German meats lately. I am lucky that Phoenix has a few German specialty delis. This allowed me to bring home her favorites; blood tongue, head cheese, and Black Forest Ham! I got additional "brownie points" for the marzipan candies and German pickles I included.

Cool Factor

Some of her co-workers stopped by to visit and drop off a great gift to her. If you were not aware, Rene is a rabid Atlanta Braves baseball fan. Knowing this, they were able to a get well message displayed on the message board at Turner Field. A picture with this message signed by everyone was a great surprise and she truly cherishes it.

My Ball Now

Getting Stronger

I don't think Rene's mobility will win her style points at this phase of her recovery. The nurses at her oncologist's office stated that it is more important that she has the strength to move on her own. Now that she is getting control of her body back, she doesn't take anything for granted!

Feisty Bugger

Since I am a man and married, I managed to do something that seems trivial to me and create abject fury in a woman, namely my wife! I have decided to let my beard growth in greater length at the chin, i.e. a goatee (shooting for the Sphinx style)! Guess who wants it off and is not happy with my response of, "deal with it...its stayin'!".

Since she is not fully recovered, I am dancing on the ragged edge of disaster at the moment. I am fully aware that this freedom that I am enjoying will be short-lived until she is fully mobile and will chase me with scissors to remove the offending facial hairs! Until this time, I am a good example of how to drive your wife to endless kvetching about husbands!

I Don't Like That!

Needles Stink....

Today was blood work day and she discovered that she needed to get her usual booster shot. She was not happy that she needed it. It didn't help that for the first time that the shot in her stomach didn't work for her either. She had to take in her her arm and that is not her favorite spot. This was her only issue for the day; deal with it!

She is able to get up off our sofa without me aiding her. We both laugh that her walking is still like a child taking their first steps. When you think about it, she is beginning a new life so this works for me; I have to convince her this is ok!!