Rene's Health

"Hello 2008!!"

2007-12-30T20:45:00.000-08:00

"Good-bye 2007"

In less than 36 hours, this year will be behind us and I for one will be glad. I never expected us to have this type of year and I am very glad that Rene go through it. We both discovered that we were stronger than we realized and that was needed with this cancer situation.

We still have some more unknown journeys to take but I don't expect them to be as draining as what we have already experienced. There are changes that both of us will discover over the next several months that are the result of this year.

Rene commented how nice it is not to have any more doctor appointments or treatments once she finished her radiation on Christmas Eve. She had forgotten what life is like when you are living within a doctor's office! She is now adding time in a gym and she prefers that instead.

HAPPY NEW YEAR'S!!!!!!!!!!!!

Christmas Time...

2007-12-25T11:31:00.000-08:00

A Great Present

Today was a day that I did not expect us to celebrate this year when we first discovered Rene was suffering from cancer. Yesterday she received her final "zap" of radiation and did not suffer any side effects from this treatment.

She is now free of any ongoing medical requirements at the moment; this is a great way to end the year. She received a special care package from her brother and sister-in-law yesterday. Homemade Christmas cookies and she is even allowing me to partake in the goodies! Francine is a wonderful baker and her wedding cookies are fantastic.

Switchboard Signals

We were very lucky to speak to everyone within our immediate families this morning. Normally you get either a busy signal or an answering machine! Speaking with my mother today was not easy because it is our "first" Christmas without Dad.

She visited his grave over the weekend to tell him that Christmas was coming and I felt that prepared her and my brother for today. I am also experiencing an empty feeling today because I was unable to have my usual short conversation with him. We enjoyed our talks with her father, brother, and my grandmother. Yes, it was a busy telephone day and that is how it should be for everyone.

Tumbleweeds Central

Typical Arizona surprise...very windy this morning and I witnessed actual tumbleweeds "flying" across the highway from the desert. I could not get to my usual trail to ride my mountain bike and if I did, I would have to avoid these things along with the occasional coyote!

Toys!

2007-12-23T21:00:00.001-08:00

Presents

Tomorrow will be the final radiation zapping for the year and then it will be monthly visits for the next three months. It would be an understatement to say that Rene is looking forward to this! The last seven days of the this year will be days without having to be inside a doctor's office; party time.

Whisker Wars

The length of my beard has now officially moved into the annoyance phase for Rene. She doesn't want it to grow any longer and of course, I want to keep it going. It doesn't that some women actually like the new look. I told her I need about another inch in length so I can braid it on a regular basis.

Gym Rat

We joined a gym in near our home and she is officially embracing life as gym rat. She is very committed to this change because it will protect her health in the future. Don't worry about her becoming a muscle bound lifter, instead she plans to increase her overall health by making this part of her daily routine.

Count Down....

2007-12-16T19:40:00.000-08:00

Six More To Go!

On Friday Rene learned that she need to visit the radiation office six more times and then she is done for the year! She is very happy to know this news and it seems that she is responding well to this treatment. Overall, she wants this "Brat" gone so she can put this completely behind her.

Overall, she is doing very well; she is able to work again and has officially "kicked me to the curb" for most things. The fact that she can drive anywhere she wants means pure freedom for her. She states however, it not a very graceful approach she takes to get in and out of her SUV.

Happy Anniversary

On Saturday we celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary and yes this one was very special based on the "fun" of this year! Since we have found a real German restaurant, we went there to remind ourselves of our honeymoon in Germany. The polka and German music and dancers was fun to watch again; it has been awhile since we have experienced this.

Caroling Again

For the past five years, Rene has always participated in a volunteer Christmas caroling at an assisted living facility. This year was very important to her to be there and sing to the residents. This year there were many children participating and this brought smiles to the residents. We realize that this could their last holiday and we want them to feel cared for and happy.

Finally!!!

2007-12-09T18:56:00.000-08:00

Welcome Back

The first week back in the office was not eventful from a health standpoint. She was happy to see everyone and had the usual issues associated with anyone that comes back to the office. Using a notebook is somewhat humorous for me to observe with her. For the first time, she can bring her office with her at anytime!

I can tell that she is very happy to be back in the workforce again. The last six weeks she spent at home was great for her and she was ready to get back to work. The strangest thing for her to acknowledge was the first day back in the office.

She looked at her desk and realized that everything was left at her last time in the office back in February! She could remember the last issues she was dealing with and she hoped that they were addressed during her absence!

Smoltzy's Place

We discovered a new German restaurant in the Valley this weekend and the food is truly German. Since 2001 Rene has not had a real German restaurant to go to so this was great find for her. To add to enjoyment, there is real German music on Saturday evening and it is lead by the father on her favorite Braves pitcher, John Smoltz! She is truly in heaven with this information!!!

Back To The Grind (Baby Steps)

2007-12-02T20:14:00.000-08:00

Finally!

Tomorrow Rene gets to do something she hasn't done since the second week of March; return to work. She is not diving in full time, instead she getting her toes "wet". She is very excited that she can do this and looking forward to seeing everyone again.

I am glad that she is finally able to do this because it allows her to regain full control of her life. There is a part of her that will miss her last six weeks of recovery because it was not filled with medical issues. The radiation is not causing any problems and at this point is not glowing in the dark at the moment.

The strangest thing in all of this will be the adjustment to having to work again and not worry about any health issues. The last three weeks before she went into the hospital she could not envision herself being able to focus on anything. Now that she is past the worst of her cancer issues, she can actually focus on her upcoming projects issues at the office instead.

"Fire Phasers Mr. Sulu"

2007-11-25T12:32:00.000-08:00

Brat Zapping

The first week of radiation has been very uneventful at the doctor's office. A close friend described her remaining tumor as the "Brat" and it must leave her body immediately! She shows up and in ten minutes she is done. The trip on the highway to the office is more eventful due to the usual drivers found Highway 101 in the Valley!

She is not feeling any negative impacts from the treatment. She has consumed enough chemo that could kill several horses and we don't expect any problems from radiation! The doctor informed her that anyone that has already had chemo usually doesn't suffer any impacts from the treatment.

This will be her last week of relaxing, she goes back to work in December and she is looking forward to it. She will do the telecommuting at first then she will rejoin fellow co-workers in the cubicle farm! The interaction with others should aid in improving her recovery.

Being Thankful

2007-11-22T21:37:00.001-08:00

The Reality

Today I understand what is important about life. First Rene is moving forward in her treatment and is ready to keep fighting her cancer. Secondly I have experienced my first of many holidays where I will not speak with my father.

I have to remind myself that I have very lucky to be alive and healthy compared to what has occurred this year. Juggling both joy and sorrow is not easy and there is nothing I can do to change the void that exists. I take comfort in watching Rene reclaim herself.

My mother has begun her new phase with his death and its impact is greater than what I am experiencing. In any case there is no time to wallow in the past. Life is a terminal state and how a person lives their life determines if it was either fulfilled or empty. We all need to avoid an empty existence in life.

"Curve Ball!!"

2007-11-18T19:56:00.001-08:00

"You're Serious?"

The results of Rene's P.E.T. scan were bittersweet for her. The tumor is still there and a bit smaller in overall size. Because it still exists, her oncologist does not want to risk it being a problem for her. His solution, radiation treatment!

This approach is logic due to the fact that Rene has a lymphatic cancer, aka in her blood stream. To attempt an operation and remove it would not work due to the linkage to her blood system. To make sure that it is completely gone, you have to zap it!

She understands that this is the only way and she is completed exasperated that she is not done with her treatment. She wants to to put this behind her now that she has survived her chemo treatment! She is not in control and this means war as far as she is concerned!

Radiation will occur Monday through Friday for the next four to five weeks and she will spend about 20 minutes in the doctor office. Since she is a cancer survivor, she should not have to worry about side effects but we know that they can occur. At least she gets to drive herself to treatment; yes she is behind the wheel and she still gets frustrated with amateurs driving on the road with her!

Now we get to learn about radiation treatments and just like chemo, there is a great deal of information to wade through. Right now Rene has three "tattoos" on her body in the pelvic area. This way the radiologist knows where to aim for the daily zapping.

This Time She Walked

2007-11-11T21:11:00.000-08:00

P.E.T. Scan

This past Friday, Rene went back to hospital to have her scan done and this time it was a completely different experience for her. In July, she was unable to care for herself, let alone walk by herself. She was dependent upon others (namely me) to assist her.

Unlike before, she did not need a wheelchair and some to lift her in and out of an automobile, chair, or the scan bed. She was able to do all of this herself and this meant that she for the first time was in complete control (I still had to drive her).

She is a bit nervous about this scan because it will provide answers about her treatment. The previous scan identified that all but one tumor was gone from her body. This was huge news at the time because four months earlier, these tumors almost killed her.

Based on her abilities and behaviours that I am observing, I predict that she should receive positive news. The single tumor that was left in July was the largest one overall; 12.5 centimeters large that shrunk to 6 centimeters in size and seemed to be clinically "dead" but in doctor speak, they gave themselves wiggle room.

This Thursday, November 15th she has an appointment with her oncologist and then we will know for the exact nature of her condition. I feel that we should be able to celebrate the actual meaning of Thanksgiving once we get the news.

This Is Different

2007-11-04T18:46:00.000-08:00

Recovery Road

So far Rene has not experienced any setbacks with her post-chemo phase. She met with her oncologist and he informed her that she was progressing well. She did a shot to boost her white blood counts and she is not required to have this done daily.

In two weeks she will visit her oncologist for a follow-up checkup and they will perform a P.E.T. scan on her. The scan may occur prior to her visit based on scheduling availability so she may get a pre-Thanksgiving gift with the information.

She is beginning to do a bit more around the house such as laundry and light cleaning. So far she has been able to have a full day without being exhausted by it. She has been cleared to drive by her oncologist and she has not gotten behind the wheel yet. This will probably occur within the next two weeks.

She really enjoyed having the kids come around for Halloween this year. Having them get candy from me was a bit funny for her. Children don't care what's in front of them as long as the treats make it in their bags! She really loved seeing the young babies in their parent's arm dressed up!

Done With Tricks

2007-10-31T08:14:00.000-07:00

Time For Treats

After today, I will not make daily updates about Rene because she has completed her treatment without any setbacks. I will make weekly postings every Sunday for the remainder of this year. I may start another blog about cancer overall and link this blog to it.

Since today is Halloween in the States, I am ready to move past all the tricks and surprises we have dealt with for the past eight months. There was a myriad of emotions we have experience as a couple and individually. Rene bore the brunt of this experience and has finally climbed out of the abyss that cancer will take you.

An experience like this changes the patient and the caregiver on many levels. Perspectives about how we view life are very different now. Neither one of us at this time can fully express what these changes will be because we are haven't had time to slow down and reflect.

I discovered several things about cancer from this experience and I now realize the overall impact. Despite all research efforts being done today, doctors still don't know what causes many of these cancers!

In Rene's case, they know that the Epstein-Barr virus can cause her type of lymphoma, they still don't know what will trigger it in the first place! Recent reports about high divorce rates amongst couples due to certain cancers was equally shocking. One should never be alone when battling cancer and to have a spouse leave as a result is unacceptable!

Tomorrow she goes in for a check-up with her oncologist and there shouldn't be any surprises. I will let everyone know when the P.E.T. scan is scheduled and we should receive positive results about her condition. The aggressive nature of this cancer and its impact to Rene is no longer occurring so it should be great news.

New Routines

2007-10-30T07:34:00.000-07:00

No Hospital Check-In

For the first time in over seven months, I am not required to register Rene into the hospital. When she began her treatment, it was very hard for her to envision this moment. Now that she has reached it, there are no roadblocks to be concerned with.

Exercising and experimenting how far she can push herself mentally and physically is on her agenda at the moment. Driving is not on her radar until she and her oncologist feel she is ready to deal with Phoenix Valley traffic. I guess me saying,"No, no, and no" is getting old!

"Mongo Like Scones!"

Rene decided I deserved a surprise and made scone cupcakes. She knows I prefer English style scones and since we had the ingredients in the house, she made them. It was nice surprise and she knows that she can perform a little baking from time-to-time.

Not The Yankees!

2007-10-29T07:28:00.001-07:00

Red Sox Sweep

The World Series is over, Boston is celebrating and New York is claiming the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse have arrived! I am a National League fan because they don't have this sissy DH rule and I will back any team that annoys the Yankees!

Rene realized that Boston would win and she preferred that it would be a seven game series instead. Also, the Rockies cooled off due to Boston's previous seven game series and the rest is history. Now that baseball is done until the spring, Rene has nothing to offset college football!

"Pull Up The Anchor"

Rene did a lot this weekend and by Sunday she needed to relax because her energy levels were spent. She now will limit her activities to avoid this in the future. This way she will not have to leave a function after 30 to 60 minutes.

Tiring Stuff

2007-10-28T17:20:00.000-07:00

Accepting Reality

Since Rene is free of hospital stays and daily trips to her oncologist, she is far from being completely recovered from her lymphoma. Now she must wade through the fine line of trying to do too much in a given day. She realized this from yesterday when she spent four days at a church tea and was unable to attend a Halloween party the same evening.

It is important for her to understand the role of nutrition and exercise to her overall health and recovery from chemo. Right now she cannot expect to do major things on a daily basis, instead it may be every other day instead for the next three months.

Overall I think she will trot instead of run into life in the foreseeable future. Since she is not obligated to stay in the hospital for treatment, she can figure out how to proceed with life. The scary part of what must occur to cure her is over, now how she will live must take over.

One Less Worry

2007-10-27T15:33:00.000-07:00

No More Chemo

Yesterday Rene received her last outpatient Rituxan treatment for her lymphoma. This should be it for her having to get stuck with anymore needles. Since Rituxan is considered good chemo because it only impacts bad cells, she will not have any setbacks from this.

Her daily visits to her oncologist will move to being weekly beginning now. She gets to relax and is not required to see her doctor until late next week. She will be a basket case due to additional free time and not having to stare down a nurse with a needle.

She is now planning how to develop an exercise routine due to a generous offer from a trainer. This will be fun to observe because the trainer will get her to do things I can't. She is married to me so she can question any and everything, this won't be the case for him!

Futzing Factors

2007-10-26T08:36:00.000-07:00

"I HEARD That!"

I have discovered a healthier Rene is a "deadlier" Rene from a conversational standpoint! Her mental awareness is getting back to its usual razor sharpness. This means, I have to be aware of how I respond as well as what I say from this point forward.

I am now dancing around what I call "ambush topics" , aka any questions that men want to avoid discussing! These topics mean we must explain our thought processes and then justify them afterwards. Being a man without fear, I just provide grunts for replies and doze off because this occurs just before I fall asleep.

Based on which dominant chromosome the reader possesses, you will either side with Rene or me at the moment. Rene is not one to accept this type of behavior and acquiesce to my responses; I have behaved this way for 20 years so I can only hope!

On Wednesday of this week, she was informed that her blood levels were at a point that did not require daily booster shots anymore. This woman was more than happy that she doesn't have to get shots in her stomach anymore; if she were diabetic, this would not be the case!

"Let's Play!"

2007-10-25T07:32:00.000-07:00

Missing My Friend

In August I lost my father to cancer and now intestinal lymphoma cancer has claimed a dear friend of mine. As a Southern male, we always hate the passing of a good dog. His name was Rocker and he was one of two Shar-Peis owned by the drummer of a blues & jazz group I belong to.

For nearly five years, Rocker was always there to lay around while we practice in the house. After the studio was added to his home, he and his sister Maggie would sometimes visit us during practice. Rocker was a character and was the alpha to me.

I enjoyed how he would always follow you around the house to get attention. He was always "upset" that he could not follow you into the bathroom. He would wait patiently for you and seem to say, "I don't understand why you closed the door. Please pet me and give me your full attention".

Rocker would always announce the band's presence if he saw you outside. He and Maggie would sometimes come running and barking and he would suddenly stop and stare. His eyes seem to communicate, "Oh, it just you!".

He would then walk around you to get attention and if Maggie saw that he was getting the attention, she would nudge in between us. Last year when Maggie became blind and deaf, he was a true sibling to his sister and didn't take advantage of her. She only had her sense of smell and he didn't mind that Maggie would sometimes walk through him.

I saw Rocker last week when I came to practice, he was barking and running around. I didn't get a chance to pet or play with him that day. I regret that now because I will miss scratching the folds of skin around his head and petting his sides, he was a caring spirit and he will be missed. His sister Maggie will no longer have her brother around to "guide" her in the house and snuggle next to.

Marzipan & Wurst = Heaven!

2007-10-24T09:58:00.000-07:00

Germany Rules

Rene made a special trip yesterday her favorite specialty deli to acquire specific "comfort" foods for the home. She did not have to verbalize this trip because I saw a couple bags of marzipan in the kitchen. I knew that if marzipan existed, wurst must exist also. With Rene, these two items are always linked.

Recovery Status

There is nothing negative to report about Rene's health status now that she is post chemo. The daily shots and weekly count review show steady increases. She gets to have a final office Rituxan chemo infusion on Friday. That P.E.T. scan should occur soon after that and then we will have a clearer picture of her overall health.

Tea & Hats

This weekend she will be attending a women's tea party at her church and it seems that hats and gloves will be worn. She and girlfriend were trying on different hats when I came home yesterday. I heard them and decided that I should not interupt this process.

I have not seen hat boxes since I was a child and my mother had a separate closet just for her various hats for church; dad was allowed to use the closet for three hats only! I have a brief flashback of Southern culture pre-1974! I guess pearls and gloves are not too far off either.

I'm Doing Laundry...

2007-10-23T08:23:00.001-07:00

First Time

Last night Rene decided that she would tackle some type of housework and her choice was laundry. She was tired from this and felt a sense of accomplishment at the same time. I stayed out of her way and only assisted in areas that required heavy lifting and moving.

Her mouth sores are no longer bothering her and she does not require a special diet anymore. With the return of her hair, I have noticed that she is beginning to wear jewelry again. Later this week she will start testing the impact of long walks in the neighborhood.

Usually she would be fretting about getting ready for "next week", aka going back to the hospital. This is no longer required so she knows that now her ability to recover can truly begin. I have a feeling that we will need to a bookstore run in the near future, she can only handle small amounts of daytime television!

Wet Hair

2007-10-22T07:48:00.001-07:00

Drying Is A Must

Even though her hair is just beginning to grow back, she noticed that it is long enough to require blow drying after a shower. Each day her hair continues to grow means it is another day that she getting back to normalcy within her life.

If her blood counts show improvement from this weekend, she may be free of any additional blood booster shots this week. The only thing she would have to do is come in for her final Rituxan at her oncologist's office and then have her P.E.T. scan.

The scan is the really important item that she needs to have in the near future. The results of this scan will determine the overall success of her treatments. If the remaining tumor cannot be found, she may move from being in remission to potentially cancer free at this time.

We are not going to get ahead of ourselves at the moment. One day at a time is how she is approaching this and she is feeling stronger each day. She is not ready to begin training in order to hike the Grand Canyon at this time; maybe March 2008 she could actually start her training however!

Taking It Easy

2007-10-21T21:14:00.001-07:00

Gators Win!

Yesterday Rene discovered that she is still weak from her treatments. With her new weight lost, she must have her clothes tailored. While at the tailor's, she was very tired from changing in and out of three outfits in less than a half of hour. Her strength will return slowly and she will have to be patient in all of this.

Since yesterday was Saturday, that is a college football day and she spent the evening watching great SEC games. Florida vs. Kentucky and Auburn vs. LSU and bit of Illinois vs. Michigan.

She realized that she married into Southern football and she does enjoy these games. The Illinois game is linked because their coach built last year's national champions, University of Florida; therefore he is still Southern to me!

She did get to spend some time away from football yesterday however. She went to a member of her church home to help bake scones. They have a women's tea function next weekend and the scones are for the tea. Since this tea is on a Saturday, I can enjoy football again!

Good Blood Work

2007-10-20T16:39:00.001-07:00

Free Weekend

Well Rene got her wish and will not have any additional shots over the weekend. This is a great sign because it means that she is recovering from her last chemo bout. Her mouth is no longer bothering her and she can eat other types of foods.

She had a busy day yesterday between the doctor's visit, lunch, tea, and got to watch a few innings of softball. This did not tire her out and therefore she is aware of her limits. She will continue to ease back into doing things a bit more.

Share Your Thoughts!

2007-10-19T12:21:00.001-07:00

Tripwires

"Tell me what you are thinking!"; "I know you have an opinion!"; "You think I will go away if you give a one word answer?". Yes, Rene is getting back to her old self and interrogating me to explain my positions any and all subjects. The only opinion she has been able to retrieve from me is, "you don't have government because it is efficient!".

I think the "fog of chemo" is beginning to dissipate because various conversations she beginning to have with me. With the unique college football season we are having, she is including deep discussion on the importance of solid special teams play and the power of the SEC conference!

Health-wise, she is showing improvements with the sores in her mouth. They are not bothering her as much and I noticed she is a bit more daring with the consumption of solid food. Heck, she even enjoyed a few sips of wine last night.

If she doesn't need to have shots over the weekend based on her blood work, I anticipate that she will determine one or two trips are needed. These trips are "bonding" moments for us; this means, "I am not staying home so entertain me"!

A Hat? Maybe!

2007-10-18T12:47:00.001-07:00

Shampoo Fun

The hair on her head is long enough for her pull on it and cause foaming when applying shampoo. It seems Rene continued to use shampoo when she was completely bald out of habit. Now it foams into her new hair instead of just rinsing off when it was nothing but skin. Its the little things that provide her joy these days.

Per her oncologist, she is progressing well and her blood counts are remaining steady with growth. It seems that we don't have to worry about a reversal at this time. Tomorrow when she goes to the doctor, she will find out if she needs to come over the weekend. If she doesn't have to come, she should be past her nadir period.

"O Sol Mio"

Feeding her lately has been a bit of challenge due to her mouth. The soreness is no longer in her throat and she is experiencing less pain when eating. Since I have taken to being creative in the kitchen she is going to string this along.

I made fresh quiche last night using smoked Gouda cheese and she was in heaven. Between the quiche and the fresh pesto pasta with chicken apple sausage, to chose, there will be no liquid diet for her!

Moving Forward

2007-10-17T10:24:00.001-07:00

Promising Signs

Despite having a sore mouth at the moment, Rene is not having to worry about any high fevers at the moment. She continues to have a normal temperature and therefore shows that the medications and shots are working for her.

She only has a single sore in her mouth and what is different for her is that her entire mouth feels sore when she eats. This is almost forcing her to consider either a soft or liquid diet and she is determined to eat solid foods very slowly if she has to.

She is craving true foods that is tasty and since I made fresh pesto sauce last night with pasta, she took her time eating and enjoyed it. Since she has experienced this problem before, she is more annoyed than concerned about it. She can always have a couple of protien shakes throughout the day also.

"Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard!"

2007-10-16T11:19:00.000-07:00

Sores, Fevers, Nadir....

Yesterday Rene discovered that she had a slight fever that was at 100 and her oncologist is determine to keep her out of the hospital! He knows the scar tissue he will receive with that statement; I love a man that learns how to avoid "wife bombs"!

By the evening her temperature was below 100 so I think we don't have to really worry at the moment. Get to takes antibiotics along with her daily shots and that should work for her. I decided that I would wade into the scary world of "girlfriend speak" and ask how she felt about her latest episode of treatment.

Overall she is accepting of this little setback and she would prefer that it did not happen at all. I think she was very happy that I asked her about her feelings. This "girlfriend speak" is not "manly" and I will not be able to always do this!

Ouchy!!

2007-10-15T08:55:00.000-07:00

Darn Sores...

Right now the only medical problems our "little girl" is dealing with is a single sore in her mouth. She is using her special mouthwash and carefully selecting what foods she can eat at the moment. The last time this happened, it was more of an annoyance and less of a concern.

Her blood results from Friday determined that she didn't need to have any shots over the weekend. As a precaution, she contacted her oncologist and he informed her not to worry and he would see her on Monday. Things are moving along and we are prepared for her nadir to cause a problem just because it can!

Barber Of Seville

2007-10-14T15:39:00.000-07:00

Hair Tonic

One of my favourite cartoons is "The Rabbit Of Seville" by Warner Brothers featuring Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd. When Bugs is able to cause hair grow for Elmer due to a combination of ingredients, it is such fun to witness how Elmer's amazement turns to rage when his "hair" turns out to be flowers!

Both Rene and I don't expect her to grow flowers with the rapid growth we are witnessing with her hair at this moment. Now the chemo is over, we are seeing hair return to her head, eyebrows, and eye lashes. It seems a bit darker at the moment and we don't know what to expect when it is done.

She took it easy yesterday and relaxed despite the constant amount of college football games I watched. It is Saturday and October and therefore I do what any full-blooded Southern is conditioned to, watch SEC football games! She is not surprised, she married into this and after twenty years, she knows that she cannot change me.

The only nadir issue she is dealing with at the moment is one mouth ulcer and it is not something to be worried about at the moment. Tomorrow she will visit her oncologist for more blood work and then she will know how much longer the monitoring must occur.

Friendship

2007-10-13T16:54:00.001-07:00

Day Two

So far, so good with her condition. She is taking her blood boosting shots without any kvetching and enjoying time with her girlfriends afterwards. She noticing that her mouth is a bit sore and she doesn't have any actual sores at the moment.

She is throttling the amount of time she spends doing things at the moment because she is not completely recovered. She is doing her own self-imposed avoiding of large crowds at the moment until her nadir if officially over. She knows that she can afford to wait a bit before she wanders into crowds on a regular basis.

I'm Normal...Really

2007-10-12T08:16:00.001-07:00

At Home

Well her first day was uneventful medically, just had a shot and that was it. After visiting her oncologist, she and a girlfriend had brunch and went shopping; she is really easing into this slowly as you can see. The cynic in me will not relent that she is past any nadir issues until her oncologist states that she doesn't need to come in for daily shots.

At this point, she knows that she can start living again. Additionally she knows that she cannot just go back what she what she used to because she has changed. She is a cancer survivor and her outlook on life has changed because of this ordeal. She is upbeat that she is responding positively to her treatments and understands that there is still more to come in all of this.

I have noticed within the first 24 hours back home, the "old" Rene is emerging. She has asked me a couple of questions and then provided my answers for me. Yes, it is about to become very interesting for me because I sense "tripwire" questions are on the horizon! She will not accept a grunt as my answer and I suspect I will get unusual questions asked at anytime!

Almost Done

2007-10-11T07:53:00.000-07:00

Toxic Cocktails Done

Now that Rene has come home, the next phase of her recovery begins. She will be monitored for the next several days to protect against her immune system from becoming weak from this last batch of chemo treatments. Getting shots in her stomach is such fun...NOT!

Once they validate that her nadir period has past, she will have one more Rituxan treatment and then a final PET scan. The scan will provide the overall success of her treatment. In July, we discovered that all but tumor was gone. Hopefully, we will find out that this last tumor is gone completely, or if it is still there, it is "dead".

She is walking much better now and no longer has the "penguin" waddle. Her ability to get out of chairs is getting better also. Beside getting hair on her head, it is also coming back for both her eyebrows and eyelashes. I believe the eyelashes are important in the makeup phase of her morning!

Kvetching & Whining - UPDATED

2007-10-10T08:18:00.001-07:00

I'm Leaving!

Since one oncologist felt she could leave over the weekend, Rene is now wanting to leave regardless if her nadir has occurred. The oncologist treating her knows that her counts will drop and she will need to come to his office daily for monitoring.

She has decided that she wants out before the weekend and it doesn't matter if the nadir has occurred. I told her that she should stay have the transition in the hospital and I think that fell on deaf ears! The last time this occurred in her treatment, I had to bring her back because of infections.

She is very bored right now and since this is her last treatment, she just wants out. I understand these feelings and I am not trying to steal her joy. Her German is up at the moment and I have to let it run its course because she won't listen either way.

Homeward Bound

She got her release papers today and she is now done with her hospital chemo treatments. She is happy and will be going her oncologist's office daily for a bit to get shots and monitoring. If her nadir ends up being powerful, it could require her to go back into the hospital. We will wait and see.

They Changed My Diet!!!!

2007-10-09T12:15:00.000-07:00

Real Food...Now!

It seems chemo can cause the body to report anomalies from time-to-time. Rene's counts over the weekend indicated that her sugar levels were very high and they needed to change her diet. This meant the lost of many of her comfort foods.

She immediately place on a low carbohydrate diet to protect her from diabetes. Since she did not have any of these symptoms prior and during her treatment, there was a concern. Staying true to form, she loves her weight lost and plans to maintain it. This is diametrically counter to the care packages (chocolate, Haagen Dazs, & Dr. Pepper) she has from time-to-time.

I decided that my time of controlling her will be end soon with her recovery so I sided with the oncologist. She will pay me back in "spades" for that one; I would not provide her any banned items to consume. Her nurse was surprised that I would even risk this.

She was informed that counts were a fluke and she did not have to worry...they have released a "beast" with that one. Two days of hospital low carbs meals for breakfast and lunch were not satisfying. Dinner that I provided were low carbs, she didn't realize it however.

Early Release?

2007-10-08T07:27:00.001-07:00

Great Blood Counts

Yesterday another oncologist from her doctor's office assessed Rene and felt that her counts were high enough for her to go home. We are both shocked by this because her nadir always comes when you least expect it! She will put her oncologist "through the wringer" today about this one.

She will leave if she only is fully recovered from the chemo! She doesn't want to speak the next several days going back and forth to a doctor's office for monitoring! Since this is her last treatment, she wants to make sure that when she goes home, she can enjoy her time home.

Keeping up with her daily Scrabble games, she made sure that I played at least one game with her. After the game was done, she then requested lunch from the outside!

It is funny to watch how much thicker the hair is beginning to become on her head. We will be surprise if it returns without being different based on feedback about how hair changes. We are dealing with Rene so she could end up with the same type of hair just to be different.

Look Ma, No Wires!

2007-10-07T17:27:00.003-07:00

No More Bags

Yesterday was the first full day without needing an IV bag filled with some type of chemo. She was able to move about without having to worry and about pulling a pole to go somewhere. She was more than excited about this.

Even though she had chemo this week, her hair (peach fuzz) is getting darker on her head. I don't think she will be losing any hair this time. Looking at her, I wish had my father's brass whistle from his Army days; a sergeant would have her snap to attention.

She is getting enough reading and Scrabble at the moment and it is not enough for her either. Now that she can walk about without any assistance, I expect to explore the floors now. This may have her nurses a bit concerned, but it would be fun either way.

"That's More Like It..."

2007-10-06T17:41:00.001-07:00

Happy Patient

Since she had to "endure" a hospital dinner on Thursday, I had to make sure her dinner would surpass her expectations. One medium rare filet migon did the trick for her with veggies and a sweet potato ensured I was not in the "doghouse". I got additional "brownie points" for including jumbo shrimp as an appetizer.

Freedom

She received her last bag of chemo in the evening and she was very excited when her nurse reminded her. I told her that she is much stronger for her chemo since she did not have any queasy stomach or fatigue at this point. She looks like a buck private in the Army with the peach fuzz hair on her head at the moment.

She is walking with much more authority around the floor and showing signs of the "old" Rene with her positive attitude. It seems Scrabble is the game of the fifth floor because one of her nurses came to visit her on day off. Yes, they played Scrabble and probably made fun of husbands also.

It Doesn't Stop

2007-10-05T07:53:00.000-07:00

A Long Process
A person I have known for about four years is going through a screening process to have a kidney transplant. My eyes are "open" to seeing sickness now, he does not look well to me. He has been taking dialysis treatments and now he needs to get on the list and hope for a match.

A patient that Rene befriended must have a bone marrow transplant and this process is not fun either. Burkitt's Lymphoma in some cases requires such a transplant and Rene is very lucky that she didn't need one. The two weeks she usually spend after receiving her "toxic cocktails" for her nadir is nothing.

Day Four

Medically, nothing new to report about. She is moving along without incident and after Friday, she will be done with her chemo. She will then wait for her body and immune system to explode (nadir). Once that is over, she gets to come home and for the first time, tell the staff good-bye!

Last night I did not visit her and she had order her dinner from the hospital. Today, I must bring her dinner or suffer a pain that is worst than her going on a shopping spree. A close friend and Scrabble fanatic did come to visit her last night and they played a few games and caught up with each other.

Five O'Clock Shadow

2007-10-04T07:46:00.001-07:00

Day Three

Another day without any medical surprises or concerns. She had the same nurse again so they maintained their bantering and one-upmanship with each other! She enjoyed the company of her girlfriends on the telephone and in person.

She finally realized that her hair beginning to grow back again. At this point it is very fair and light and creates of the appearance of a true "shadow" on her head. I wonder what she will do if she gets natural curls once it is fully grown.

We took a walk around the floor and she was in full control this time. She did not need her walker to get around the floor and she pushed her IV pole herself. I have not seen her do this since her second stay in the hospital back in April!

I am responsible for brining her dinner and it must be a surprise. The fun I could have with that I will save for later; I got her Indian food from her favorite restaurant so I am still in her good graces. She has lined up a few games of Scrabble with other patients and nurses over the next few days.

Fragility

2007-10-03T08:29:00.000-07:00

Day Two

Yesterday was uneventful for her medically and she got to banter with her nurse all day. It is fun to watch one smart aleck take on another in a battle of wits! One of her girlfriends came to visit and provided her with a care package of chocolates and pretzels!

Stark Realities

For the past seven months I have spent more time in hospitals and doctor's offices than I have in nearly 20 years. I am more aware of the behaviours and dynamics that individuals exhibit within an oncology ward.

I have stumbled across various conversations pertaining to end-of-life issues amongst doctors, nurses, and family members. I am respectful of these situations and move stealthily through the corridors not to interrupt anyone. I realize that I have a duality about death because it is something that everyone will experience.

This week I realized how lucky Rene is with cancer as I witness the shock of two women when they were informed that a loved one directed the hospital not to resuscitate if they slipped into a coma. The emotions within their faces drove home the conflicting struggles that exist.

The women are desperate to hold on and keep a loved one living and the individual has welcomed death and does not want to prolong their life. Last night, down the hallway from Rene's room, nearly ten individuals stood solemnly looking at a bed. I did not know if they were looking at man or woman, it didn't matter, they were there with a loved one to witness their last breath of life.

They now must begin life without this loved one and cancer has won this battle. Just as it claimed the life of my father six weeks ago, they now must learn to deal with the varying stages of grief.

This is something that Rene has sidestepped for herself and we both know the pain of losing a parent to cancer. This has created another link within our relationship to holds us together.

No Spine Issues

2007-10-02T08:11:00.001-07:00

Peach Fuzz

Our little girl was a bit apprehensive about getting a three types of chemo in her spine yesterday. She actually "breezed" right through it with no problem and was a "chatty Kathy" when I saw her last night. I made sure I came with her dinner from Pei Wei; she does possess enough strength to provide tongue lashings still, so I must avoid this!

Since this is her last stay, she decided to wear her "Hedi" hat with her green pony tails! At the moment, she has very fine "peach fuzz" for hair on her head. We all know that when hair grows back after chemo it can be different, so she wanted to better understand a different colour other than blonde anyway.

True to form, she is already missing the dog and cats. She gave up trying to figure out how to house them at the hospital with her. If she could have done this, I would have to show up in the morning to walk the dog either way. I am lucky in a small way!

Monday Means Gridlock

2007-10-01T11:57:00.001-07:00

Just Because...

Today was not our normal registration process at the hospital because it was the first day of the month. It seems that when it is the first day of the month, the admittance area resembles a New York City emergency room!

After nearly an hour, we were finally able to register and get Rene up to her room. The new floor looks nice and is much warmer and inviting. We both chuckled with the floor because we could tell immediately that they were not completely done with their renovations.

Due to our past experience with hotel openings, we were able to identify several things that were not quite right on the floor. The most important thing is that Rene is in for the last time and she can now see all the nurses and aides in the same location.

Same Routine

Her nurse did not waste any time with preparing Rene for her treatments, She accessed her port to begin administering fluids for the chemo. I got to witness how a "foli catheter" is inserted. We are at a tipping point of her treatments and our relationship, and there is no need to be modest!

Too Soon?

2007-09-30T14:09:00.000-07:00

In Time, On The One

Tomorrow Rene takes her last required stay in the hospital for this cancer and one will be different for her. For the first time she will be able to truly recover and regain strength that was lost because of the caustic cocktails coursing throughout her body from all the chemo.

Each day with this final round will be a true test for her because of the continuous administration of various chemo medicines for the first five days. I suspect that she will be very weak and potentially delirious from the treatments.

The nadir period this time will be I believe even more critical for her and the ability to be patience will be very difficult for her. I anticipate the she will be able to handle this due to the type of cancer and treatment another patient is going through. Unlike her, this person has no other support network to lean upon. Once Rene is there, she will assume that role and hopefully temper herself.

In the end, she will have to endure the waiting period with her pending PET Scan after getting out of the hospital. We hope that the results will provide very positive news that the last tumor is gone from her system. This would be the best news to start her new life as a cancer survivor and hopefully cancer free individual.

I Shop Therefore I Am

2007-09-29T15:11:00.001-07:00

USF Wins Again

Only Rene could figure out how to watch USF defeat West Virginia and QVC with Joan Rivers! Between commercials and halftime, she watch QVC to get ideas if she wanted to purchase something. This was the perfect evening for her, Joan River hawking jewelry and USF annoying West Virginia by defeating them again.

Earlier in the day, she got have tea at her favorite tea shop again with good friends. Overall, she is counting down to Monday so she can finish her final treatment. She threw the husband "tripwire, "out saying "you get time to yourself when I am in the hospital". I am wise enough to know how to dance around that one!

Sudjugation No More

2007-09-28T10:22:00.000-07:00

Almost Free

Yesterday we received the news that we were looking for pertaining to her white blood counts. The counts jumped from 1.5 to 9 and therefore she will be admitted into the hospital this Monday for her final treatment. She was ready to jump and up and kiss her oncologist's when she heard this!

Now that she has been cleared for this treatment, her schedule will include time in the hospital and then one additional Rituxan outpatient treatment for chemo. Basically, she should be done with with all chemo by the end of October!

She is prepare for a few more bumps with her hospital stay and since it is her last, she accepts it as the cost of getting better! Once this is over, she will become a true "teenager" saying, "I want to drive!", "I can do that myself". God will pay me back for the children we didn't have with this instead!!

On The Horizon

2007-09-27T16:44:00.001-07:00

Stronger

Between going for another leukine shot and spending the day with visitors, I believe she is getting stronger. The highlight for her was seeing friends from the office, having lunch and getting to eat a tongue sandwich, and enjoying a cup tea with great company at her favorite tea shop. I guess being a "princess" is hard work but I prefer college football.

Right now there is nothing that should stop her from going into the hospital this Monday for her seventh and final treatments. She getting closer to the end a long and scary journey in cancer. With this ending, she will have a new beginning with life. Once she is able to be fully engaged, I can go back into hibernation again!

Undeclared Winner

2007-09-26T07:12:00.000-07:00

Busy Bones

So far Rene is feeling a bit stronger since she is receiving her shots more frequently. She still experiences discomfort with these types of shots and it lasts for about ten minutes. She keeping her hopes up that Thursday's visit will validate that her white blood cells are at an acceptable level for treatment.

She has rediscovered her love for wearing earrings again. As she put it, "since I have a bald head, I need to decorate it with something"! It will be a bit before I see her wearing her wedding rings so her experimenting with various types of earrings will be fun to observe.

Champion

The game that I mention last week that was vexing her is no longer a problem. She has finally won it several times and now it is on to level two! I expect this to an unusual battle of wills to watch over the next few weeks.

Irrational Exuberance

2007-09-25T06:33:00.000-07:00

Great Reds, Bad Whites

Yesterday we discovered that Rene's white blood counts were lower by over 500 points. The remainder of this week, she will receive daily leukine shots to increase her levels. She will also take antibiotics to protect against infections until her immune system is stronger.

Based on this new development, we still anticipate that she will be admitted next week to receive her final round of chemo cocktails. She is very impatient about this because she so close to being done with her treatments. Just six months ago, she couldn't fathom that she would be able to make it through seven rounds.

Gimme...Chocolate!

In all of this, she decided that I should "surprise" her with something chocolate and it better be Raisinettes! I decided that bringing her Oreo cookies would not be a good thing at the moment. With people more paranoid about food, Raisinettes give you a choice of either milk or dark chocolate types. I played it safe and just got both!

Joys Of Womanhood

2007-09-24T10:28:00.001-07:00

Singing & Shopping

With her increased strength, Rene is now able to begin singing again. She actually lost the ability to control her vocal range for a few months and this was not a happy time for her. Yesterday, she was able to get on stage at her church and sing with her worship team; she sat in her transport chair and did a lot of smiling!

For the first time since all of this started, we went out to "futz" around in a few furniture stores to get ideas for re-designing the home office. She really likes the fact that I have a handicap tag for the Jeep so we always have great parking. She was very happy that this did not tire her and we had to leave, come to think of it, she wouldn't leave anyway!

Becoming A Fan?

2007-09-23T17:40:00.000-07:00

Slobber Knockers

Yesterday Rene offered to watch a college football game after I returned from my bike ride on a desert trail. Since she recently discovered her old college, the University of South Florida has a football team, we watched that game.

She could stop cheering great plays on by USF and how fast they were! She is looking forward to watch other games by them this season. Who knows, by the end of the season, she may match me for overall intensity for the game and making fun of conferences because they are not the SEC!

The state of Florida did very well this weekend with wins by the Florida Gators, USF Bulls, Miami Hurricanes, and University of Central Florida Golden Knights! Florida's Second-Rate University, I meant Florida State University didn't play yesterday.

Still Too Young

2007-09-22T15:13:00.001-07:00

Like A Pinot Noir

Right now Rene's blood levels are vexing her because they are not at the level to support a full blast of chemo. She received an additional booster shot yesterday and will get another on Monday. These shots cause her chest to ache because her bone marrow is working to produce more blood cells.

We will have to monitor her blood work next week to determine if she can be admitted later in the week. If not, it should be by the first week of October. Either way, she gets to stay in the new renovated rooms for her final stay. This will ensure that can see all the nurses and aides in one place.

Fashion Week

Rene's new outfits arrived yesterday and it was like Christmas for her. She tore into the box, slipped into her outfits and made sure I was focused and provide feedback about the combinations. I could not grunt my way out of this situation. The outfits looked well and after the tailor modifies the clothes, they will look even better.

A Quart Low

2007-09-21T07:28:00.001-07:00

"I Vant Your Blood..."

The "chemo gods" have struck again because Rene's blood counts as of yesterday are too low for her final chemo treatments. She must go to her oncologist's office for the next two days to get additional shots so her body can produce more blood.

Since this is her last treatment, she must have intrathecal with all medicines this time. Her counts were too low on her last stay and this procedure was not done. Once her counts are higher, she will be admitted for her final stay.

The intrathecal will be very strong and with all the other "cocktails" she will be receive during her stay; she will be very fatigued after this is done. Her oncologist is doing the right thing and she is kvetching that her planned "schedule of events" is not being satisfied!

Nein!

Rene was not happy with her visit to the oncologist yesterday, it seems that she is gaining weight. Part of this is expected since she is recovering, this fell on deaf ears. She is now "hell bent" on reversing this...more to come!

Bugger!

2007-09-20T07:21:00.001-07:00

Lovin' A Challenge

Rene's smartphone has a game that has been making her nuts lately! It is an electronic version of the Rubix's Cube and cannot get past Level 1 yet! This game will not best her if she can help it and she bound and determined to win. When this occurs, she will throw a party because she was finally able to defeat an inanimate object!

Selective Hearing

Being one that just has to "tug on Superman's cape", I told her about positive comments I have received about my goatee. This subject is still taboo to her and I should never say this when she is playing her game. I got the "look" and the following statement, "did you say something?". Note to self, only risk takers would attempt to annoy their spouses during crucial game playing!

Bored, Bored, Bored...

2007-09-19T08:57:00.000-07:00

Playmates Needed

Rene has reached her "puppy dog" phase and needs stimulus throughout the day! "Puppy Dog" is a state that a spouse goes through when they are alone; " I am happy to see you and tell me about your day?". The animals provide comic relief at home but they cannot be a true girlfriend to gab with or a husband to flog!

For me it is another sign that mentally and physically she is getting stronger and I must be ready to engage in conversation when I get home from the office! It is great to see her progressing in this way because she wants to be engaged with life more and more.

Being a male, I forget about this aspect and therefore cause her to provide subtle reminders to me. There are times these reminders must be delivered with a sledgehammer in order to get my attention!

At least I am consistent and she reminds me that I need to change from time-to-time. She will not give up on getting me to be a "girlfriend" with her!

Closet Wars, Part II

2007-09-18T09:45:00.001-07:00

Online Shopping

Yesterday I got a subtle hint that Rene is really beginning to be herself again! In the seat of my office chair at home was the manifest for new outfits she purchased online. She left this for me so I would not be "surprised" by any new charges on our account.

In "husband speak", this usually means that "I needed a change", and I don't disagree because the chemo has reduced her weight. A wise husband would also noticed that the manifest included pictures of the new outfits that she purchased and it is your duty to comment favorably about the new outfits.

Staying true to myself, I went to "engineering think", this means it is not important to leave me the manifest, just enter the charges in Quicken! This type of thinking will lead your spouse to the dreaded "husband questions"; "what do you think about the new outfits?".

I am not one to follow my own advice and therefore I should have seen this one coming! The outfits are truly lively and will reflect her bouncy attitude about living.

Being a man and thinking like an engineer, she had to "pull" this out of me! I have a good friend that is scheduling shock therapy for me since I have overlooked the importance of all of this!

You're Bound To It!

2007-09-17T12:26:00.000-07:00

New Life

Yesterday, Rene attended the baptism of a close friend and was touched with their new approach to life. Besides the spiritual growth, she can hold him to keeping his new covenant on how to live his life! This will make their debates even more spirited in the future!

Good Blood Counts Or Else!

This Thursday is a crucial day for Rene, she will receive her outpatient chemo treatment and updated blood results. If her blood work is at levels to handle her last treatment, she is going to "drill" her oncologist to admit her the last week of this month.

If her counts require an additional week home, then her oncologist is spared her "wrath" and I get to deal with this! Conversely, if her counts are at the levels to allow for chemo and her oncologist still wants to wait a week; he gets to share in my pain!

Bad Bike Day

2007-09-16T14:57:00.001-07:00

I Am Stubborn

Yesterday I tried to get a long ride in on my mountain bike and thanks to a cactus thorn, it was not meant to be. Early into my ride and about 15 miles from home, my back tire had a thorn and was spraying out air and the "Slime" sealant at the same time.

I was not able to patch the tire and had to walk home. Rene had to deal with my "Minotaur" side until I repaired my bike. It didn't help matters that I also discovered that I had broken spokes in the back tire also! By 12PM was finally able to get on the trail and enjoy the solitude and ability to swear like a sailor because I was four hours late with my ride!

Rene realized that Florida was playing Tennessee and found the game to "calm" me down, it worked. Seeing Tennessee lose to Florida again was worth it. I do enjoy Tennessee's head coach, Phil Fulmer fuming after losing to Florida. To be fair, I enjoy that look on any opponent's head coach after losing to the Gators!

Needles? Pain? Whatever!

2007-09-15T11:42:00.001-07:00

Another Day, Another Shot

Friday was a great day except the ten minutes she spent getting more shots to keep her counts growing. Since she receives these shots in her stomach, some days are better than other. Yesterday was the bad day, she had a bit of pain that made her wince afterwards and I was a "heartless bastard" that forgot to show compassion!

Revenge was her's before the day was over because I had to take her to her favorite tea shop to meet her girlfriends. This is a very unique gathering for the "unwashed" and it can best be described as your very own "The View" when they get together.

Being the only male in a sea of estrogen, I did what any sane man would do; I moved away from the group so they could all talk. I was happy to be in the corner where they could see me and they could not engage me to join their conversation!

I did find out from their discussions about improvements that men could and should do in the future. I am not sure if I fully agree and therefore will take it under advisement! This the advice an attorney would provide and charge their clients for, and I just saved myself over $300 per hour by remembering to do it minus the fee!

Major & Minor Scales

2007-09-14T11:41:00.001-07:00

Whole & Half Steps

My exposure to cancer and methods used to cure it has lead me to view it in a musical fashion. There are times when you are capable to taking large steps and are upbeat. Other times, you are barely able to take a step forward and you are melancholy.

I am able to view Rene in way I could not have anticipated four months ago, she is more lively and in control. She is not dependent upon aids to steady her as she stands or walks. She is more capable of doing things by herself now.

I realized that we are not finished with this "sheet of music" and we need to "play" a few more minor chords and bars for awhile. If you love "the blues", it uses both major and minor chords that can invoke feelings of remorse and joy at the same time. Buddy Guy's "Sweet Tea" is a great example of this type of music and feeling.

Creative

Last night she and a girlfriend worked on creating special card boxes and Rene had many ideas for the designs. This is a very different person now, she would not have possessed the clarity or stamina for this four month ago.

Make My Day...Punk!

2007-09-13T10:06:00.001-07:00

Postal??

Kvetching is putting it mildly on how Rene reacted when she discovered that both her red and white counts are low. She had to get two shots yesterday; one for each type of blood so this means her bone marrow will be "talking" for a bit! I get to take her tomorrow for more shots, she ain't happy!

Reality Check

I am amused by Rene's desired to re-engaged with life as she progresses through her treatments. Since is coming to her very last hospital visit, she only wants one thing...her way or the highway! She is telling her body to get with the program and produce blood counts so she can get going!

I need this because my mother is 360 degrees opposite of this behaviour. Since my father's death three weeks ago, she is going through her mourning period. Life right now is very empty and the fact that she can't see or talk to him anymore is troubling. In time she will develop the desire to live life to the fullest, right now she is not ready.

Husband Questions

2007-09-12T08:57:00.000-07:00

Thin Ice

I have to remind myself that Rene is much stronger mentally and physically and therefore I must be aware of which "buttons" not to push. Since I am one that never listens all the time, I must be prepared for more than just the "looks" from her now.

I must remember to show compassion when she says she is bored at the moment; boredom is good for you with everything you have experienced. I just don't get it, when she says she is bored, you must agree! I am more like an engineer in this area, it ain't pretty when I am that way!

Today she will find out if her body is doing what she wants, excellent blood results so she can plead her case. I am sure her oncologist will have a puzzled look, "now you want to get in the hospital?".

Don't Say That!

2007-09-11T09:11:00.000-07:00

You Side With ME

Rene's acceptance of my "King Tut" is at the, "I'm tolerating this.." phase. Lately she has heard women commented favorable about my new appearance and this is sacrilege for her! Yes, I am pushing her buttons because I can and it gives her more inference to get better so she can "throttle" me!

Trust

With everything that Rene has experienced physically from her chemo treatment, I must now learn how to trust letting her do more on her own. She can now walk without wobbling or falling down and she has the strength to get out of chairs and sofa without my assistance.

I realized that I was treating her like a baby learning to walk for the first time and it is not necessary anymore. Now that we are at this phase, I am acting like a "man" about her needs; see we men never can satisfy wives, girlfriends, mothers, or mistresses!

Rene way to push my buttons is to mention that she wants to start driving before her seventh treatment. When hearing this, I behave like a salty sailor, "@#!* no way!". She knows I care and since she can't drive, I will pay the price by taking her anywhere she wants to go!

I'll Fly Away

2007-09-10T08:52:00.000-07:00

Not Soon Enough

It is a very different person I am dealing with today than when Rene started her chemo. Now she wants to get back in the hospital as soon as possible for her final treatment. She wants her blood work to show that she is ready and then she can get on with her life.

Statement Sunday

Yesterday Rene caught the men's final of the U.S. Open and she saw how a true champion wins a match with Roger Federer. Equaling Federer's performance was Tiger Woods shooting a 63 to win the BMW tournament. Despite these great matches, she got the most fun watching our neighbor's daughters play with our dog (Bara); they are great children and Bara loves playing with them!

Da Bulls

2007-09-09T13:32:00.001-07:00

Impressive Win

As you all know, Rene usually becomes a "widow" until the college football season is over. Last night she watched her college play an away game at Auburn and they won in overtime! When Rene was student at the University of South Florida, they did not have a football team so this was a surprise for her and a pleasant one at that!

I informed her on the history of the USF Bulls and that they played in bowl games for the past two seasons. Right now USF is playing better than FSU; as a Gator, I couldn't resist!

Last night's win over a SEC team by a Big East team should make the bowl pairing very interesting this year. The fact that another Florida team is lurking about will annoy most other teams on principle when it is the state of Florida.

Closet Wars

It seems our little girl wants to keep the slimmer version of herself around after she is done with all her treatments. The first step in her mind was to clear out her closet of clothes that are too large.

This task suddenly meant that I needed to make trips to Goodwill and someone will enjoy the fact that some of the clothes still have price tags attached. She has provided herself with a reason that "we" need to go shopping!

Stampede

2007-09-08T18:51:00.000-07:00

Time To Do Something!

Since Rene is feeling stronger she does not want to sit at home; taking her for her blood work doesn't count either! Since it was Friday, she had to wait until I was done with work so she enjoyed the company of a girlfriend for the afternoon, I think they watch some "chick flick" movie.

Tea Time

I took her to the tea shop to meet some of her other girlfriends and they enjoyed each other's company over tea. This time, they didn't discuss the shortcoming of their husbands this time. Rene decided to mix different types of tea into a single pot (Rose and Lychee). I stuck with my typical strong "mud" flavor tea!

Relaxing

2007-09-07T11:29:00.001-07:00

Home Again...Ah!

There is a permanent smile that Rene gets when she home again...just because she back in her home! There are little things bring joy, such as a night without blood work or vital signs. One never truly rests in a hospital, so being home means provides true rest for her.

Fur Balls

The dog and cats are always doing their usual and unique interaction when she is home. She gets unconditional love and pouncing from the dog. One cat loves to sneak up and purr while being petted by her.

The other cat, well, is a "cat", aloof and yet wants her attention. Either way she has fun and makes sure I spend quality time with them. I feed them, clean up after them, and call the male cat an idiot (he really is; looks and no brain)...that's quality time in my book!

Tennis

The U.S. Open is getting better and it should be a great women and men's final. She is really enjoying the level of play and lack of overall controversy! I will throw a "monkey wrench" into this joy with college football this weekend; I am a true "Son of the South"!

Freedom

2007-09-06T09:06:00.001-07:00

Release Me...NOW!!

I don't know who was more happy about getting out of the hospital yesterday between Rene and her nurses. They are so happy to see her so strong and positive about her situation versus the other patients they care for. The animals were excited to see "The Lady" again, especially Bara our dog.

Creature Comforts

Soon as Rene crossed the threshold of the door, she was comfortable and started a bit of futzing around the house. The increased choice of television channels and music were godsend for her. She had a very German lunch of beef tongue and special marzipan cake from a local deli.

Since she has her immune system back, she is no longer neutropenic and the ban on raw foods didn't matter. I quickly was dispatch to get her green seedless grapes and brother you didn't want to between her and the fruit! She has one sore on her tongue from the chemo so she is being careful with certain foods and drinks at the moment.

U.S. Open Rocks

The match between Roger Federer and Andy Roddick was a classic to watch. Flawless playing and Federer is just unbeatable when he needs to be. Rene marveled at the skill and playing and hearing Andre Agassi's insight made it a great evening for her.

Juiced? - UPDATED

2007-09-05T08:02:00.001-07:00

It Must Be Her Shots!

For the past seven days, Rene has watched her immune system drop past the recommended levels of 1,500 (minimum to fight infections) to less than 400. On Labour Day, her counts had increased to 600 and yesterday they increased to 2,000 after 24 hours! If she were a professional athlete, she would be banned for such drastic changes.

Between her receiving platelets on Monday and the daily blood booster shots, she seems to be track with her immune system. Based on today's counts, she could be released from the hospital and then again, she could not. Either way, she will await the results and recommendations of her doctor (is this my wife?) before she gets her hopes up.

Senate Hearings

This morning her counts jumped another 2,000 points and she was allowed to come home. I didn't get her calls immediately so she had to wait. I am sure she wasn't happy but right now she will put up with me!

Chamber Music

2007-09-04T09:20:00.001-07:00

Playing As A Duo

The guitarist from the jazz & blues group I play with stopped by the hospital with his new Joe Pass Edition guitar. I brought my acoustic electric bass and we played a few songs in her room. It has been a long time since she has hear any music from Root Down and this was pleasant surprise for her.

Her nurses noted that a party was occurring in the room when they saw a bass and a guitar laying on her bed. Rene used her smartphone to take pictures and record a bit of the "concert" for historical purposes.

Since she has to look at my collection of basses, her question to Travis was, "how many guitars do you have?". I really like his quick response, "more than one and not enough!"; she gave both of us the "look"!

Transfusions Required

Since her platelets were a bit low and she gave blood the other day with the stubbing of her toe, she got another transfusion was needed. She promised not to cause any injuries to herself that would allow this batch to get out of her body.

She was impressed with the triple checking that occurs anytime she is given any chemo or blood transfusions. They have her read out and valid her name and other information. They then review her medical band information against the bags of "goodies" they are about to hook-up to her IVs.

For the first time, she had the weirdest question put to her, "are you pregnant?"; I wanted to know why they would ask that one! Since she is A-, the platelets given were A+ and this is not problem for her but it would be for her baby.

I answered that we won't have to worry and at this phase of our life, it would be an immaculate conception anyway! The world can breath a sigh of relief that I will not be a father and drive a kid to madness!

#@~! Ouch!!!

2007-09-03T16:36:00.000-07:00

Bloody Mess

Yesterday Rene managed to stubbed her left big toe. This resulted in a bit of blood oozing and her nurse scrambling to resolve it. Rene was upset that she was allowing platelets to leave her body after just getting a transfusion on Saturday.

Sore And Slow

Right now with her current condition, she does not have any mouth ulcers and she notices that her mouth feels tender if she consumes large portions of food. She is receiving her "Miracle mouthwash" which will protect against infection four times a day now.

This is not impacting her ability to eat and yesterday she enjoyed a "man's" cheeseburger from Fuddrucker's and a chocolate malt! She is not giving up on food until she has too! She doesn't eat fast to ensure that her mouth won't ache when she eats. Don't worry, she still has me getting her chocolate Whoppers...she is fine!

Nadir Fun...

2007-09-02T16:11:00.001-07:00

A Little Imploding...

Rene's white blood counts and platelets are being very lazy and she received her first transfusion yesterday of platelets. Right now she is not experiencing any high fevers, nausea, or mouth ulcers. Overall she looks and feels great, she just doesn't have an immune system!

Right now the team at the hospital is maintaining a watchful eye on her to ensure that she does not experience the pains of her third stay! In all of this, she wants to get home, wait three weeks, and then come back for her final treatment. She is not happy that her plan has a bit of a hiccup at the moment.

Sports To The Rescue!

Since she is an avid tennis fan, the U.S. Open is a great entertainer for her. She is amazed a the level of play she is witnessing in the early rounds of this year's tournament. She is afraid that the final will not produce the same level of playing. I told her her that it should be the same and just enjoy.

Understanding

Rene is very aware that I am adjusting to my father's death and accepts that I am "out of it" this week. She knows that I am not myself if I didn't take time to watch college football yesterday.

Counts!

2007-09-01T15:12:00.000-07:00

No Control

Rene continues to wait for her body to produce more white blood cells to improve her immune system. Right now she another patient that she befriended are in race about their white blood counts. They are not sure how will get to the safe levels first. Secretly, I believe Rene wants to lose because the other patient has been in the hospital for six weeks already.

Pals

Rene is getting more experience with her Scrabble since she has a pal on the floor. This is good because it breaks the boredom. Since Rene has experienced the "chemo brian" already, she is helping her friend get through theirs with the games they play.

Meals

The taste of salmon was nearly destroyed by the hospital's attempt to offer it on their menu. I surprised her yesterday by bringing a fresh cut that was glazed with miso and no one was allowed near it once I placed it in front of her.

A Numbers Game

2007-08-31T07:28:00.001-07:00

Mini-Stock Market Crash

Yesterday Rene was informed that her platelets bottomed out to levels that meant she could not fight off any infections. The positive side of this news delivered by her infectious diseases doctor was that she wasn't suffering from any high fevers! Either way she wants her blood to quit being lazy and produce more white blood cells. Her reds are fine and she does require any transfusions at the moment.

Process Improvements Needed

Since Rene has all this time on her hands, she is coming up with ideas for the hospital for long term patient care! This includes stackable washers and dryers so she can do laundry; this is a hospital, not an extended stay hotel! She wanted microwave popcorn and guess what? Hospitals don't stock this so I guess I will have provide her with a special stash to nibble on when reading.

What Is Ze Problem?

2007-08-30T07:32:00.001-07:00

Cranky!

Boredom has truly set in with her now and she beginning to "spit nails" about having nothing to do. Seems that she has read all her books and she trying to will her body to get her white blood counts up so she can get out. This sounds like a person is getting better and is "over" the chemo thing at the same time.

It could have been far worst and humanity (namely me) was saved by a game she discovered on cell phone! This captured her attention and calmed her down so I didn't get the, "what took you so long to get here?" type statements. Additionally a girlfriend stopped by and that seem to help her boredom also.

Cravings

Since her immune system is in the toilet, she must avoid people with any type of colds, flowers (bacteria carriers), and raw fruits and veggies. So what does our little girl request that I bring her? Fresh seedless green grapes and I was the "bad guy" for saying no!

Since I was already in the "doghouse", I didn't remind her that this weekend officially kicks of the college football season. As the wife of Southern male, this means she will become a "widow" until the end of January; crazy I am, stupid I am not!

I did get brownie points for bringing her a steak dinner from Outback so that soothed her rage; red meat works every time. Additionally getting her chocolate Whoppers aided in keeping her calm!

One Ringy Dingy, Two Ringy Dingies....

2007-08-29T07:52:00.000-07:00

Whatcha Doing?

Yesterday I realized just how much better Rene has become! Since daytime television is worthless, she has read several books and wanted stimulation. This lead to her calling twice during to day for small talk and this occurred when I was trying to catch up on issues that occurred when I was out of town last week!

She may not have an immune system at the moment but she does have complete control of her wits and she wants out! Her oncologist stated that once she is done with her final treatment, she will a couple more outpatient treatments and another scan for tumors which should be only one and it will be either smaller or gone!

Penguin Exercising

Rene is completely free of all tubes and wires hooked to her body and she can now walk around freely. She is taking walks around the floor at least three times a day. Since she has regain much of her strength back, her walking is similar to a penguin or a two year old at the moment.

Where Is Your MASK?!

2007-08-28T07:48:00.000-07:00

Immune System Is Shot

Yesterday Rene began her official foray into her nadir because she was diagnosed as being neutropenic. There was a slight problem, no one told her and she took a walk around the floor without a mask covering her face. After returning to her room, she was met by the "Floor Nazi" from the nursing staff and was chastised.

Rene quickly pointed out that there was no sign on her door stating this condition therefore she was innocent! This rebuttal caused the "Floor Nazi" to chastise her nurse about the lack of a sign; as you see, it went downhill quickly. Both Rene and her nurse had a great laugh about it and even the "Floor Nazi" is still loved by them!

Food, Food, Food

Pei Wei was her requested establishment for Chinese food last night and she was pleased with my promptness to the order. Since I was back and not distracted from the events of last week, I suddenly found myself on a chocolate and Dr. Pepper's run. Yes, she is making up for her suffering of last week of not being able to "boss" me around.

Being There

Rene has new friend on the floor that is being treated for a blood cancer also. Unfortunately, when she left the hospital after her fifth treatment, they were still there. When she returned after three weeks, they were still in the hospital!

Being the type of person that she is, they spend time supporting each other by having lunch, playing cards, or just plain talking. Since Rene is past the worst of her treatment and her friend is at the beginning, she has taken the role of spiritual support with them.

Taz Bored...

2007-08-27T07:57:00.000-07:00

Entertain Me Or Else!

Yesterday was mind numbingly boring for our little "princess" on all levels. Bad food, bad television, and no "Caveman" (that's me) to talk to or threaten (my goatee)! The worst insult for her was that fact that the Braves lost to the Reds; she is very cranky anytime this happens.

This week I must be well versed as "Cabana Boy" for her when it comes to food and anything else! She has a taste for all things not related to dinners at the hospital. As for anything else, one can only wonder what my wife has in store for me!

It's Nadir Time

2007-08-26T13:28:00.000-07:00

Usual Stuff

Yesterday Rene finished receiving her medicines for this round of chemo. Now she is ready for the nadir to kick in. She had a small bout of nausea after breakfast and didn't have a recurrence after receiving medicines for this.

I knew she would be ok after she requested lunch to picked up by yours truly! Off to Pepin's I went has she ate something from Spain. I have been given the weekend off from having to do this or come visit her. She knows I need some time to myself at the moment.

She is being "patience" with her pending nadir, it must come and be over with by the beginning of the Labor Day weekend. She wants to come home and then turn around to get her final treatment over with. I am sure the chemo gods have different plans for her. Both her oncologist and I will be feel the wrath if she doesn't get her way!

Rest In Peace

2007-08-25T00:21:00.001-07:00

Free Of Life's Burdens

Yesterday my family celebrated the life of my father and said farewell to him. It is hard to explain the emotions one goes through when you drape the veils over the body and seal their coffin. I realized at that moment, all visions of my father would become frozen to this moment as I gazed on his face looking so peaceful and free of the pains of cancer finally.

It is hard to comprehend what my mother must overcome now that he is gone. She is a pastor and has usually played the role of comforter, now she must lean on others to comfort her. I suspect that she will not know what to do with herself since she is no longer required to visit him. After 45 years, she now must cope with a void in her life.

Public speaking is not easy for many and I am comfortable with large audiences. Yesterday was the toughest performance I had to give. Being asked to sum up a parent's life in two minutes is challenging enough without allowing yourself to be overcome with emotions at the same time.

I have no idea how I will handle my grieving period; I must warn Rene and her oncologist that I will probably be hard to deal with pertaining to her treatment. I have already lost a parent, I will not lose a spouse.

Scrabble..I'm Ready!

2007-08-24T05:32:00.000-07:00

A Good Day

Yesterday was a good day for Rene, she had the company of good friends and games of Scrabble. Right now she is getting her usual chemo medicines and she is not having any issues associated with it. Since she did not get her spinal tap, this round could be similar to her very first one...that was very easy!

Well Informed

She has been receiving daily updates from me in Florida about preparations for my father funeral. She has forbidden me to stop by the hospital when I return late this evening to see her. So I arrive close to midnight, I can still see her. This is the first time I have not been with her during this phase of her treatment. Since I am can drive and I have to past the hospital...I will annoy her and just show up!

Cruising & Ready

2007-08-23T05:27:00.000-07:00

Being Vigilant

Right now Rene is going through the routine steps of her chemo treatment. Her white blood counts increased on Wednesday a bit and that is a positive time. She will not receive her usual spinal tap for chemo this time because her counts were too low and her oncologist didn't want to "blow her up".

The patient her oncologist asked her to speak with spinal taps and other chemo from her last stay is still there. He was excited to see her again. She knew he was bored so they talked and played card games together. He is hoping to leave by the end of this week if counts stay steady. Rene realized how lucky she has been, she never had to stay over five weeks with her treatments.

She is getting around and seeing some of the other nurses and trading stories. She is getting caught up on her reading and DVDs. Friends are coming by and visiting with her and having fun with them about the usual hospital routines.

Balancing Her Counts

2007-08-22T06:03:00.001-07:00

Great News, Chemo News

Rene's oncologist finally inform her that she is in remission with her lymphoma. She has been waiting for this news since she hear it mentioned during her last stay by a fellow doctor with the office. When she started her treatments back in March, her oncologist stated that getting this lymphoma into remission was a key objective.

Being his usual self with news, he then informed her that her white blood cells were low and that this round will be tough on her. As we all know with Rene, she was not happy and I am sure that he delivered the news at least three arms lengths from her so she couldn't choke him!

It seems that her body getting tired of chemo (big surprised) and he is being very careful with how the medicines will be administered. Her usual spinal tap procedure has not be administered yet due to her counts being low. Nothing like making her wait for this procedure, she just loves getting it every time!

Right now, her oncologist anticipates that she will need the full three weeks with this round of chemo. This means that she could be reunited with her infectious disease doctor again! Let's see how the rest of the week progresses for her.

Lifting The Shadow

2007-08-20T23:47:00.000-07:00

Rene is fine; I am dedicating this post to my father who died on August 20, 2007 at 6:30PM in Florida.

Empty

I didn't tell many people but my father had Stage IV larynx cancer. After admitting Rene to the hospital I jumped on a plane to Florida to say good-bye, I didn't get there in time. There are many emotions that I will experience alone and with the company of my mother and brother about his death.

I have been prepared for this news for a long time due to his poor health and no one never is really ready when it finally occurs. He was my father and regardless of our relationship, he had my respect and honor and it was not always communicated between us. I am happy that he is no longer in pain from this cancer as well as the prostrate cancer that came out of remission.

The ironies of life have come full circle with his death. Both he and Rene began their sojourn about the same time and took different paths. Rene is getting stronger and will defeat her rare lymphoma and he instead succumbed to death. I shouldn't be surprised, his age was 76 and his doctor stated that he had the body of a 90 year old person; cancer is brutal.

Later today I will view his body and know that his spirit is no longer shackled by what I will see. I will probably say, "I am sorry I couldn't see you one more time to say I love you". I doesn't matter, he is no longer dealing with pain, he was tired, it was the last words he spoke to my mother. Death is the final stage of life and we will all experience it.

Good-bye Dad!

Time To Check-In...

2007-08-20T08:27:00.000-07:00

The New Me!

Well today Rene went back into the hospital her sixth treatment for chemo. For the first time, she is very upbeat, strong, and more her pre-cancer self! If she continues to respond to treatment as she done for the past two treatments, she may only have to stay for two weeks instead of three.

Leading up to today, she is beginning to be a bit more stubborn about doing things on her on. At the moment, she takes her showers standing instead of using her shower chair. I didn't agree but as you can see, she won this debate!

Sending A Message

Today when we arrived to the hospital everyone from the admittance team to her nurses and aides were very happy to see her (she really is their favorite)! They were very impressed that she walked into her room without using either a wheelchair or her walker. They know she is getting better!

Scary Item - Purses!

While we were waiting to be admitted, Rene looked through her purse and made the following discoveries;

My old New York City business cards from 1998 when I was the Director of IT for Accor Hotels North America
Money
First Class Stamps when they were only $.32!
A Platex product; she had her uterus removed in 2001!

It really has been a long time since she used that purse. I am truly afraid to see what she discovers in the other purses she has that are not being used.

The Key Of Life

2007-08-19T15:43:00.001-07:00

Avoiding Dissonance

As we move towards the end of this roller coaster called cancer, both Rene and I still must address conflicting interests. Rene is wanting to "live" life, not observe it as she gets stronger; I must juggle multiple issues and keep focus on important items.

Keeping our schedules aligned is becoming a bit more interesting since I am the chauffeur. So far, we have not managed to create an uber scheduling conflict. Yesterday we were busy going to appointments without causing conflict.

Last night Rene went out to hear some smooth jazz by saxophonist Bryne Donaldson at our favorite wine bar. This was the first time many people have seen her before she started her cancer treatments.

True to form, Rene looked great in her make-up and jewelry and didn't wear a hat. She won't wear a wig since her hair will return. For the first time, we actually have a physical similarity! Since I have been "behaving", she allowed me to sneak off to hear some stanky Louisiana/Texas blues by Chuck Hall!

Outnumbered

2007-08-18T16:23:00.001-07:00

They Do Talk About Us!!!

Yesterday I chauffeured Rene to the tea shop to meet with her girlfriends and therefore I had to remain instead of escaping! I always knew that certain conversations could lead to discussions about men and our "flaws"; I must report that I was right.

The topic of "men being men" didn't take long to begin amongst these four women and they forget or ignored that I was the lone male in their midst. It seems the the "flaw" of the moment is our inability to place objects in their correct location! It is perfectly logical for we men to put Tupperware items with pots and pan; it does when the pots and pan have space for it.

Knowing that no good would come from any rebuttals, I kept quiet enjoyed my tea. My choice in teas soon became another topic. I like a very brutish form of tea and this place has it. I just tell them to bring me any tea that has a lot of "dirt" and I get a pot that smells like mud after a rain storm (don't ask why, I like it!).

In all of this, Rene had a wonderful time, I "ducked" any questions that would lead to explainations on why I would answer that way. So to all you husbands, boyfriends, and fiancees (you may still have time), we are doomed to being wrong and flawed. Now that you know it, enjoy being yourselves, they still keep us around for some reason!

Are We There Yet?!

2007-08-17T08:24:00.000-07:00

I Wanna Go Here...NOW!!!

Since her oncologist's removed any prohibitions on movement, Rene has the "itch" get out and move about! I realize that she wants to re-engage with life and therefore I must NOT hinder this in any fashion.

A friend recommended that she go with her to get her nails done yesterday. The end result was pampering, good conversation, great new colours on her toes, and me making sure she arrived on time for this.

Later, she expressed her interest that we have a glass of wine and not at home! Normally I would have been with my band working on new music for our set list but we had the night off and she took advantage of it. ;-)

It will not be a quiet weekend leading up to her admittance on Monday for her chemo treatment so I have to be prepared for new requests. She already has two excursions lined up and I am sure more will come. She is not going to like being hindered by the hospital now that she has tasted freedom again...this will be my fault!

Look Ma, No Hands!

2007-08-16T10:54:00.001-07:00

Gaining A Backbone

Yesterday Rene decided to take a shower without any aid and did not use her shower chair. Instead she stood up in the shower! Needless to say, this is still risky for her and she discovered that she is much stronger and in control of her mobility.

I am happy and paranoid about this new revelation! I would have preferred that I was home just in case there was a problem. She admitted that she was tired from this and got out of the shower immediately. I myself realized how parents feel when their children learn to walk, date, drive a car, or offer to cook a meal!

Beware Of Television Shows

2007-08-15T11:08:00.001-07:00

A New Favourite

I must comment about another show that Rene just loves now called "Reba". Other than QVC, she can sit and watch this show forever. Being a "manly" man...I run for the hills when she is engaged only to be "reminded" that I am not with her. She knows how to get to me after 20 years!

There is another show that she seems to have a "love-hate" relationship with called "Still Standing" and it is about a family behaving badly. I love boorish behaviour based on the city of Chicago and men being men, it reminds me of a room full of drunk rugby players with an open bar!!

Getting To The Top

2007-08-14T09:57:00.001-07:00

Took Awhile To Achieve

I appreciate how well Rene has recovered from this cancer now that she is able to do more. She will have to ease into this over time and she will be successful. Yesterday she was working on an arts and crafts project she started a week ago. Because she can control her hands better, this is a great exercise of her mental and physical state. I must also point out that her hands are not strong enough for any scissors and therefore my goatee is very safe!

"I'm Ready James..."

2007-08-13T10:23:00.000-07:00

Being A Chauffeur

Now that Rene is not limited to being at home, she has communicated and requested that I take her places. Keep in mind that here in the Phoenix Valley, we will average close to 110 degree weather all this week! Yesterday she attended her first service at her church since March and received a warm welcome from her congregation.

Later in the day, she decided that she had see one of her girlfriends at the wine bar. She was able to walk to my Jeep without her walker and got in and out without any issues. She walked into the wine bar without the walker and got in and out of the stool without my aid. We discovered that she didn't need the ramp in the garage either when she returned home.

Her time at the bar resulted in a potential trip with her girlfriend later this week to get her nails done! I don't have a problem with any of this because she enjoys it. I will draw the line on wearing a "monkey suit and hat" to take her anywhere she wants to go!

Want Doesn't Mean Can

2007-08-12T12:10:00.001-07:00

Ease Into This!

Yesterday feeling invincible from Friday's outings, Rene was ready to start doing her normal errands; shopping! Maybe I was just be a male again but, she is not over her chemo treatments yet. Either way, I had to be the chauffeur for this excursion!

The first thing she wanted to do was to go clothes shopping for new jeans; since her other ones are too big! Afterwards, she wanted to go to an arts and craft store and then maybe lunch. Halfway into the shopping part, she discovered that she was tired.

There were a lot of clothes she picked out to try on but she didn't have the strength to keep changing.I made sure that I wasn't going to strike fear into the other women and went into the dressing room to help her change. After the jeans and one top, it was "pull up the anchor" and take me home.

The sales women were a bit confused by the entire affair but quickly recovered when they saw my wallet and come out to pay. At this point, it didn't matter that a middle linebacker carrying a blouse and jeans to the counter and was standing in front of them!

First Date

2007-08-11T14:44:00.001-07:00

Behaving Like A Couple

Yesterday Rene ventured out of the house for the first time to go somewhere that was not either her oncologist's office or the hospital. Instead she went to her favorite tea and wine shops to enjoy herself.

She has not been able to do this since the end of February. Going the tea shop was her original intent and she had a wonderful time. Hard to believe since I was with her, but she really did have a wonderful time! Since one of her girlfriends was able to come, she really did enjoy herself! :-)

Since this was the first time that staff at the tea shop had seen her, they did not recognize her immediately. Once they heard her voice, they realized who was in their midst. Tasting her favorite teas in this setting was topped off by the classic guitarist who performs on Friday. He didn't recognize her at first and was very happy to see her again.

Fruit Of The Vine

Since she was already out, she decided to be spontaneous and requested that we stop by our favorite wine bar. She she walked in, she received a rousing applause from the regulars when she walked in the door! A single glass of wine with good friends topped off her evening!

Girly Stuff

I noticed that Rene took time to put on make-up before we left. This is a first and she looked great. She is feeling better about her appearance and gaining confidence in her ability to enjoy things she put on hold since her treatments began.

Betting Against The House

2007-08-10T08:51:00.001-07:00

I Won, She Lost

It wasn't that long ago that Rene was always kvetching about having to go back to the hospital. Due her current situation, she is now kvetching how long she has to wait for her next visit, and she wonders why men are confused!!

Yesterday she visited her oncologist for her outpatient chemo treatment and was told that she could possibly go into the hospital on Monday. We had a bet and I felt that it would be one more week instead. Her blood work confirmed my expectations and she will be home for one more week!

Her oncologist got a good laugh about her wanting to get back in and that she was bored. He stated that boredom is a good now since she had so much "excitement" that occurred in the beginning of her treatment. This was logical and she still wants to get her treatment over with!!

Behave Or Else!

2007-08-09T12:13:00.001-07:00

Your Goatee Is Next...

Rene decided that nature would not remove the remaining long hairs on her head fast enough and took matters into her own hands. Don't worry, she did not cause any harm to herself when she "shaved" her head. It look quite good to her because it is now balanced.

Standing in front of her this morning, I combed my goatee out and received the "look"! Her said to me that, "you are doing that to annoy me!". She was right and therefore I have handed more bullets to use on me in the future. This was worth it!!!

West Nile Virus Anyone?

2007-08-08T09:17:00.001-07:00

An Evening Stroll

Last night Rene determined she was ready to try walking in our neighborhood. We took her walker as a precaution and she did quite well overall. She discovered that the mosquitoes were out also they "really" like humans with chemo in their system!

She plans to take more walks in the evenings before she returns to the hospital for round six of chemo. I will just "bathe" her in insect repellent prior to her venturing outside. She didn't wear a hat when she went out; the hair will grow back in time!

Boredom Is Good

2007-08-07T13:04:00.001-07:00

Healthy Situation

I call from the office during the day to see how Rene is doing and our conversation normally will go along way;

Me; "Hello"
Her; "Hello?"
Me;"How are things?"
Her; "I'm bored!"
Me; "What have you done with yourself today?"
Her; "The same things I do everyday...I'm bored!"

Recovery is not vacation and I can sense that Rene is getting stronger because she needs more stimulation that daytime television can ever offer! Since we have animals in the house, they can serve as entertainment and companionship for her.

She will probably have some girlfriends over with week during the day and then she won't be bored. Instead, she will be annoyed that I am calling and interrupting her time with her girlfriends. See, we husbands never can get it right!!

Women Vs. Men!

2007-08-06T12:42:00.000-07:00

I See A Pattern Here....

So far the feedback about my goatee has been, women-folk hate it and men-folk love it! The only feedback that really matters is Rene (or my mother) and therefore I will continue to duck her arrows and daggers!

Baby Steps

Since oncologist has decided that she can do more and not be limited to staying home, she is a bit cautious about going out. Since she cannot drive, it is important that she thinks about when, where, and which place to go. She will let me know when I am to chauffeur her around other than her doctor's office or the hospital.

Who's At The Door?

2007-08-05T20:48:00.001-07:00

A Day With Friends

Sunday is a day of rest and enjoying the company of friends. Today Rene got to do both and it made her day more enjoyable. Rene can't wait to go back to her favorite tea shop and wine bar and today, the wine bar came to her!

She enjoyed seeing people she hasn't seen a "long" time and swapping stories with each other. They all decided that they will just bring the wine bar to the hospital when she goes in for her sixth chemo treatment. For some reason, I think the nurses will chase only the wine bottles away from her!

I discovered today that she is really not happy with my new goatee and plans to shave it once she is fully recovered. Since I had to push her buttons, I informed her that I want to be able to braid my beard also. Once she realized the actual length I plan to grow it in order to braid it, she informed me that she will win this battle of wills! More to come on this one and you may begin placing your bets on this outcome!

Tea Time

2007-08-04T14:51:00.001-07:00

I Want A Cup...

Today Rene did something I haven't seen since January; she made a pot of tea! She was afraid to have any tea during her treatment because of the potential "chemo mouth" impact. Her collections of teas that where sent to her during this time and the collection from Souvia were calling out to her. She succumbed to the "songs of the sirens"(I read the Odyssey) and enjoyed a delicious cup of Chrysanthemum Oolong.

"That Was Different?"

Today I attempted to get out in the morning before 8AM to get a long ride on my mountain bike. The "outdoor gods" thought otherwise due to a blown back tire. I decided to go hiking instead and discovered that the trail I selected, lead to rock quarry operation a few miles from our home!

After getting my tire repaired I decided to go out and ride afterall. Rene was resigned to the fact that I was being a man again! It was only 102 degrees and I took my large hydration pack with water. Most of bike trail is under water from the recent monsoon rains. The end result is why I love biking, getting covered with mud while enjoying a great ride!