Fragility

Day Two

Yesterday was uneventful for her medically and she got to banter with her nurse all day. It is fun to watch one smart aleck take on another in a battle of wits! One of her girlfriends came to visit and provided her with a care package of chocolates and pretzels!

Stark Realities

For the past seven months I have spent more time in hospitals and doctor's offices than I have in nearly 20 years. I am more aware of the behaviours and dynamics that individuals exhibit within an oncology ward.

I have stumbled across various conversations pertaining to end-of-life issues amongst doctors, nurses, and family members. I am respectful of these situations and move stealthily through the corridors not to interrupt anyone. I realize that I have a duality about death because it is something that everyone will experience.

This week I realized how lucky Rene is with cancer as I witness the shock of two women when they were informed that a loved one directed the hospital not to resuscitate if they slipped into a coma. The emotions within their faces drove home the conflicting struggles that exist.

The women are desperate to hold on and keep a loved one living and the individual has welcomed death and does not want to prolong their life. Last night, down the hallway from Rene's room, nearly ten individuals stood solemnly looking at a bed. I did not know if they were looking at man or woman, it didn't matter, they were there with a loved one to witness their last breath of life.

They now must begin life without this loved one and cancer has won this battle. Just as it claimed the life of my father six weeks ago, they now must learn to deal with the varying stages of grief.

This is something that Rene has sidestepped for herself and we both know the pain of losing a parent to cancer. This has created another link within our relationship to holds us together.